jin ask man :hukumm mere aaka

jin ask man :hukumm mere aaka main tumhare liye kya paish karoon,
man:mujhe rehne ke liye ik makan de.
jin:aaka agar mere pass makan hota tou main kya bottle main raheta.

,@, (;;; /;;/ // ICE-CREAM 4 U

,@,
(;;;
/;;/
//

ICE-CREAM 4 U
.
.
.
.

Zayada Muskurao Mat

Ager HIMMAT Hai Too Kha K Dekho?!!!

Boy: Papa Sach Or Raaz me kia Farq hai?

Boy: Papa Sach Or Raaz me kia Farq hai?
Papa: Tum mery bety ho Ye Sach hai,Tumhara Dost Arshad B mera hi beta hai Ye 1 Raaz hai

Ek admi dosrey admi se

Ek admi dosrey admi se
"ye bachey itne shararti kyun hotey hain"

DOsra bola
"Jo cheez banti sharaRat se hy wo sharif kasey ho sakti hey"

sardar g ko invitation mila k aap

sardar g ko invitation mila k aap ne function me red tie pehn k aana hai.Sardar g function mein paunchay to dekha
k k k k
logon ne pent shirt bhi pehnay huye the

susti ki intiha,

susti ki intiha,
Boy:papa aik glass paani de do
Papa:khud le lo
Boy:plz de do naa
Papa:Ab manga tou thappar maronga
Boy:Thappar marnay ao tou paani lete aana:-)

Wife came home with a goat.

Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked ”Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?”
Wife: ”Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!”

Husband:”Bakri se hi poch raha hon”

1 pathan ka sir phat gaya

1 pathan ka sir phat gaya
pathan se Dr. ne pocha:-
“khan sahab kia howa ?”
Khan:Hum pather se keel thok raha tha,
hum ko 1 admi bola khan KHOPRI istimal kero

Ap ki 5 khobian…

Ap ki 5 khobian…

1..

2..

3..

4..

5..

Zindagi mein koe acha kaam kia hota to aaj ye jaga khali na hoti….1:-@

Gabbar: Buhat Yarana Lagta Hai.

Gabbar: Buhat Yarana Lagta Hai.
Kalia: Sardar Mujhse Kia pooch Rahay Ho Apni Behen Se Poocho.

Gabbar: Tera Kia Hoga Kalia
Kalia : Sardar Dua Karo Larka Ho Jaye….

Teacher: sach or veham mae kia ferk hai?

Teacher:
sach or veham mae kia ferk hai?

student:
Ap jo hum ko perha rhi hain
wo sach hai

lakin

Hum parh rhe hain ye ap ka veham hain..

PADTE rho..?

PADTE rho..?

PADTE rho..?

PADTE rho..?

Besharmo ki tarah

msg PADHTE rho,

Jab sharm aa jaye

to ek msg Kr dena

.O.K

gana sunenge

gana sunenge

o
oo
ooo
oooo
ooooo
oooooo
huzur...
13
1313
131313
13131313
sururrr....

focukt main to aisa hi milega

Ek conductor ki shadi ho rahi thi,

Ek conductor ki shadi ho rahi thi, jab Dulhn phero ke waqt uske pas akar baithi to vo bola thoda pas ho k baith, ek sawari or baith sakti hai.

2 mendak baithe the.

2 mendak baithe the.
1 bola: tarr.
2ra bola: tarr.
1 fir bola: tarr.
2ra fir bola: tarr.
1 bola: farr.
to 2ra bola: yaar! tu topic change mat kar..

santa & banta

Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife?
Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!

Teacher: Aasmaan mein udne wali

Teacher: Aasmaan mein udne wali chiz Ande deti hai, Aur zameen pe rahne wali Bachche deti hai. Kaun c chiz aisse hai jo Aasmaan me udti hai par Bache Zameen par deti hai?
Santa: Airhostess !

Doctor to pehlwan aap ka kandha kese utr geya? .

Doctor to pehlwan aap ka kandha kese utr geya?
.
Pehlwan: janaab bache ka bage utha liya tha.

Reporter: Laaluji, the poor women

Reporter: Laaluji, the poor women in bihar dont have clothes to wear

Laalu: U FOOL,tum FASHION TV dekhe ho? Rich women bhi clothes nahin pehanti hai. Yeh fashionwa ha

Santa Se Puchha Ki-

Santa Se Puchha Ki-

“Tum Next Janam Me Kya Banna Pasand Karoge?
Santa-”Cockroach”
Why?

*

*

*

***

*

kyuki…. Meri Wife Sirf Cockroach Se Hi Darti Hai….

Machar aur Makhiki ho gayi shadi.

Machar aur Makhiki ho gayi shadi.
Pehli hi raat se ho gayi machar ki barbadi,
kehta hai ki meri kismat hi khoti hai,
makhi raat ko goodnight lagake soti hai.

namaskar ye male\ female janch sewa hai,

namaskar ye male\ female janch sewa hai, agar aap purush hai to 1 sms karo, mahila hai to 2 sms karo, inme se kuch nahi hai to sms na kare, hum khud smajh lenge.

Old Man-"putar ander se mere daant le aa"

Old Man-"putar ander se mere daant le aa"

Pota-"par dada ji abhi roti to bani nahi"

Budda-- "o nahi putar roti nahi khani samne wali buddi nu smile deni a "

2007 ka faqir: baji bhoka hoon

2007 ka faqir: baji bhoka hoon Allah k waste khana de do.

Baji: abhi khananahi bana, baad main aana.

Faqir: mera number le lo, jab khana ban jaye to miscall kar dena.

Man to hotel manager: jaldi chalo, meri wife

Man to hotel manager: jaldi chalo, meri wife khirki se kodh kar jaan dena chati hai.

Manager: so .. Sir what can i do?

Man: abey khirki nahi khul rahi.

santa & banta

Santa: agar VIVAH ki shooting engineering college me hota to use kya kehte?

?
?
?
?
.
.
.







Banta: VIVA

Respected international kanjus,

Respected international kanjus, thanx 4 nt sending any sms. U'll win BHARAT KANJUS RATNA AWARD
na na SMS MAT KARNA WARNA YEH AWARD koi aur le jayega..

ek admi bola yaar mai duniya mai naam kamana

ek admi bola yaar mai duniya mai naam kamana chata hoon to dusra bola haa kyo nahi wo kaise.
haathi per ulta khade hoker photo kichwayoo aur photo ko ulta karke dikhyaooo

A drunken sardar fall from 3rd floor.

A drunken sardar fall from 3rd floor.
People garthered around & asked him- Kya hua?
He said- Pata nahi, main bhi abhi niche aaya hoon :=)

Aaj ka Sawal...

Aaj ka Sawal...
Mohabbat ho jati hai ya karni padti hai?

very simple

ladki sundar ho to ho jati hai...
aur agar ameer ho to karni padti hai...

Apka ghar hum

Apka ghar hum
zaroor ayengey,
har pal ayengey,
har waqt ayengey,
din bhar ayengey,
aur
aur
aur
bell bajakar bhag jayengey..

bush-tujhe swiming aati h

bush-tujhe swiming aati h
lalu-nahi
bush-tere se to kutte ache h jo swiming kar lete h
lalu-tujhe swiming aati h
bush-yaa..
lalu-to phir tere aur kutte me kya farq h?????

1 frnd to another-aaj mothers day h,

1 frnd to another-aaj mothers day h,tera kya plan h???
another frnd reply-"main kuch ladkion ki maa banane me help karunga

Sara zamana Gawah hai ke aap aik

Sara zamana Gawah hai ke aap aik
Nehayat Sharif
Emandar
Mukhlis
Parhezgar
Diyanat Dar
Zaheen aur Naik
Insan ka Sms parh rahe hein

Yar mujhe police ny pakar liya hy

Yar mujhe police ny pakar liya hy

For killing 6 Girls I didn't kill them

Qasam say! Maine tu sirf "SMILE" di

Thi OR Wo khushi se Mar gayin

Kuch Kar Yaar!

Teacher:" What is your name?".

Teacher:" What is your name?".
Student: " Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."

Teacher:" When I ask a question in English, answer it in English."
Student:" My name is Sunlight

Judge: Tum ne ek hi raat mein 7 jagah chori ki ?

Judge: Tum ne ek hi raat mein 7 jagah chori ki ?

Chor: Haan Sahib, Mai mehnat se gi nahi churata.

DOCTOR: Bachay 2 hi ache..

DOCTOR: Bachay 2 hi ache..
Vaise aap k kitne bache hain?

LADY: Pehle to 2 hi thay lekin jab se ishtehar dekha hai to ache ki talash me 10 ho gaye hain. ;-)

Kya tum ped pe chadsakte ho,

Kya tum ped pe chadsakte ho,
kya sanjivani buti la sakteho,
kya sina cheer k dikhasakte ho,nahi na,
beta kewal shakal bandar
jaisi hone se koi Hanumannai hota.

Santa's girfriend:

Santa's girfriend:
Meri maa aapko bahut
pasand karti hai.....
Santa, after a deep
thought: Kuchh bhi ho
jaye, shaadi to main
tujhse hi karunga..... .!!!!

Santa Ne god Se Pucha

Santa Ne god Se Pucha

Kya Mai Agle Janam Me
Gadha Ban Sakta Hoon?

God Ne Jawab Diya
aap iss suvidha ka labh pehle hi le chuke hai

Gabbar: Are O Samba, ye SMS parhnay wala

Gabbar: Are O Samba, ye SMS parhnay wala
MONKEY hai k DONKEY?
Samba: sardar agr reply kia to
MONKEY, nahin kia to DONKEY, Abi pata chal jai ga.

1 sardar outo riksha wheel nikal raha tha

1 sardar outo riksha wheel nikal raha tha raste me guzarte hue 1 admi ne pucha sardarji rikhaw ka wheel Q nikal rahe to sardarji bole dikhta nahi board likha hai only two wheelar parking

Santar:Jab main chhota tha tab Kutab Minar se

Santar:Jab main chhota tha tab Kutab Minar se gir gaya tha
Banta: Fir tu mar gya ki bach gaya? Santa:Mujhe yad nahi kuyoki tab mai bahut chhota tha na.

Santa jngl me:Samne sher aya

Santa jngl me:Samne sher aya,santa mitti sher ki ankh me dalke bhagne lga,banta wahi ruk gya santa:abe bhag banta:me kyun bhagu mitti tune dali he

3 sardars were going on a bike.

3 sardars were going on a bike. Traffic Police raises the hand to stop them. Sardar replies- “Oye pagal ho gaya kya? Pehle hi 3 baithe hai, Tu kaha baithega..

Eik sucide bomber nay mulla umer ko message

Eik sucide bomber nay mulla umer ko message
bheja sir g barood(RDX)thora kaam dala karein!


mein Jannat say bhe thora agay nikal aya hun!!

santa & banta

SANTA:BANTA TERE GHAR LETRIN BANI HAI
BANTA :HAN BANI HAI,AUR TUMHARE GHAR
SANTA:MERE GHAR TO DAL CHAWAL BANE HAIN

Boss : I am giving you a job as a driver.

Boss : I am giving you a job as a driver. The STARTING salary is Rs.2000 /-, is it o.k.

Santa : You are great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......

But?? how much is the DRIVING salary...?

Agar basanti ki mausi takhur ko rakhi bandey tho

Agar basanti ki mausi takhur ko rakhi bandey tho

tho mauki ka takhur se kya rishta hoga

free mey dimag mat lagao yaar takhur ke hath he nahi hai

Santa: Why do girls look beautiful?

Santa: Why do girls look beautiful? Is it real or due to make up?
Banta: All false. Girls look beautiful because boys have good imagination.

Ek baar sardar ji kahain jaa rahe

Ek baar sardar ji kahain jaa rahe tahe k ek diwar par padha "padhne wala gadha"

Sardar ko bohat ghussa aya, unhon ne mita kar likh diya! "likhne wala gadha"

Train mai ek husband apni wife say:

Train mai ek husband apni wife say: "tujh say shadi kar k pachta raha hoon."

"dil karta hai tujhe kutttay k aagay daal doon"

Samnay wala passenger bola: "bhao bhao"

Wife mere iraday baray neek hain, aap 1000 mai ek

Wife mere iraday baray neek hain, aap 1000 mai ek hain.

Sardar: mera dimag bara taiz hai, pehlay ye bata baki 999 kon hai?

Sardar looked at himself in mirror and said:

Sardar looked at himself in mirror and said:
Is ko kahain dekha hai. Then he said:

Oye yaad aya, ye to woh he kamina hai jo
Shaadi ki album main meri biwi k saath hai

Dost: "Tumhari toh RAM - SITA ki jodi lagti hai"

Dost: "Tumhari toh RAM - SITA ki jodi lagti hai"

Man:"Bilkul Galat hai:

Naa to koi meri biwi ko utha ke le jaata hai, Naa hi ye dharti me samaati hai!

Jaat riding a cycle, hits a Girl.

Jaat riding a cycle, hits a Girl.

Girl:Ghanti nahin mari jaati kya?

Jaat: Re bawli ?!! Poori cycle maar di, aab ghanti alag se maaru ke ?

Question: Bahooo aik gear marad ke

Question: Bahooo aik gear marad ke sath sari raat ghar se bahar rahi, aur saas ne kuch nahi kaha, Kyon?

Ans: Kyon ki saas bi kabhi bahoo thi !

3 dost the kallu, billu, aur ulloo. Kallu

3 dost the kallu, billu, aur ulloo. Kallu 7th mein padh raha hai, billu 5th main padh raha hai, aur ullo sms padh raha hai.

Son: Mein school nahi jaaunga,

Son: Mein school nahi jaaunga,
Mom: Kyu?
Son: Kaam Karunga,
Mom: 4th Class padh kar kya kaam karoga?
Son: 3rd class ki ladkiyon ki tution lungs:-)

A student attached Rs.100 note to his test

A student attached Rs.100 note to his test paper n wrote "Rs.1 for 1 mark."
Examiner was a sardar. He sent him Rs.81 back n wrote "u got 19 marks keep the cange".

Always smile u knw y?

Always smile u knw y?
Bcoz haso jiyo!
Muskurao! Khush raho!
Kya pata kal mujhse panga ho aur Hasne k liye Daant ne ho...

santa : main ek bar bathroom me susu

santa : main ek bar bathroom me susu karne gaya to waha sher tha banta: phir kya hua??
santa: maine sher ko kaha app kar lo mera to nikal gaya.....

Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye, tumhare Preeto se sam

Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye, tumhare Preeto se sambhand hai.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha.

banta & santa

Banta: Wife agar husband ko naukar samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.

2 boys follow 2 girls

2 boys follow 2 girls
The grls turned back and tied rakhi to each of them.




then the boys said 2 themselves u marry ur sister and i'll marry ur sister!

1 ladki ne coin dalke apna vajan dekha,58kg

1 ladki ne coin dalke apna vajan dekha,58kg
Sandal utari,56kg
Jacket utari,53kg
Fir duppata, 52kg or coin khatam
1 bhikari bola tu chalu rakh sikke me dalunga!

dharmendr got a new vodafone

dharmendr got a new vodafone conection but never got network.... why?
bcoz vodafone dog stillremembar his dilogue :kutte mai tera khoon pi jauga,

1 lerki ne molvi se keha: Log mujhe

1 lerki ne molvi se keha: Log mujhe chedte or ghoorte hain, aap hi bataein mai kya karu..?

Molvi ne dono bazu phailaa k kaha "Aap hamari agosh ma aajaeye"

" A Couple was sitng in garden,

" A Couple was sitng in garden,
Sudnly a Dog & Bitch came n kiss each other!

Boy - Janu aagar tum bura na mano to mai bhi.
Grl - Ok pr plz sambhl kar,
Kutiya tumhe kat na le! "

Dil ke dardko jubape mat lana,

Dil ke dardko jubape mat lana, apni ankhose ansu mat bahana, jakham chahe kitne bhi gahare ho, "DETTOL" k siva kuch mat lagana...

Lalu ke peechhe kutte ka bachha pad gaya,

Lalu ke peechhe kutte ka bachha pad gaya,
To lalu ne kaha ab to BSNL ka card dalva liya hoon, Yeh HUTCH ka network kahan se aa raha hai.

Beta: baap idhar aa

Beta: baap idhar aa
Baap: beta papa ko aise nahi bolte
Beta: to kaise bolte hai
Baap: izzat se
Beta: baap izzat se idhar aa

Santa: Mera bahut naam hai. Lady - Shoes dikhaiy

Santa: Mera bahut naam hai. Lady - Shoes dikhaiye .

Shopkeeper : Kitnne number ka ?
Lady - 36 no.
Shopkr:Jaao madam jaao,ghar se soch kar nikla karo Kya lena hai!

santa & banta

Santa: Mera bahut naam hai.
Banta: Wo kaise?
Santa: Bewakoof, tune wo gana nahi suna kya?
Banta: kaunsa?
Santa: Arey yaar,"Jiski Biwi Moti uska bhi bada naam hai"

Munnabhai: Circuit, Kutta kutte ko

Munnabhai: Circuit, Kutta kutte ko kaat ta hai, to wo injection kyo nahi leta hai.
Circuit: Simple hai bhai, Kutta hai bhai, wo bhi usko kaat leta hai.
haa haa haa

Pappu ne apni pregnant biwi ko Sms kiya "Kaisi Ho ?"

Pappu ne apni pregnant biwi ko Sms kiya "Kaisi Ho ?"

Thodi der baad

Pappu zor-zor se nachne laga...
Kyoki uske mobile par msg aaya
"Mssg Delivered"

Dukhi pappu bola: "aisi zindgi se maut acchi"

Dukhi pappu bola: "aisi zindgi se maut acchi"
Achanak Yamdut aaye bole: Tumhari jaan lene ka hukm hai.
Pappu Bola: Ye lo , ab insaan mazaak bhi nahi kar sakta

Santa Ek Baraf Ka Tukra

Santa Ek Baraf Ka Tukra
Utha Ker Usay Gaur Se
Dekh Raha Tha ...

Banta : Oye Kia Dekh Raha Hy ... ???

Santa : Dekh Raha Hoon Ye
Leak Kahan Se Ho Raha Hy ... ;

Man: Car Kyun Halki Ki?

Man: Car Kyun Halki Ki?
Driver: Gear Badla Hai
Man: O Hram Khor Nikal Meri Car Se Meri Mojodgi Me Gear Badla Main Na Hota To Pori Car Bdal Deta

Santa:Mujhe phone par dhamkiya mil rahi hai.

Santa:Mujhe phone par dhamkiya mil rahi hai.
Police: kaun woh?
Santa: BSNL wale, bolte hai bill nahi bhara to kaat denge

One: Oye tera ek daant neela kyun ho gaya?

One: Oye tera ek daant neela kyun ho gaya?

Two: Yaar maine ink lagayi hai.



One: Woh kyun.?

Two: Kyun ke aaj kal “bluetooth” ka zamana hai yaar…

Bhikari : Saab Rs 6 de do coffee pina hai

Bhikari : Saab Rs 6 de do coffee pina hai
Man : Kyon ek coffee to Rs 3 mein milti hai
Bhikari : Par saab sath me girl friend hai
Man : Bhikari ho kar girl friend banali
Bhikari : Nai saab, girl friend ne bhikari bana diya

Bola dukaandar ki kyaa chahiye tumhien,

Bola dukaandar ki kyaa chahiye tumhien, Jo bhi kaho ge meri dukaan per wo paoge..
Maine kaha ke kutte ke khaane ka cake hai?
Bolaa yahin pe khaaoge ya ghar le jaaoge.. .

Pehla Dost: Tum Ne Garmion Ki Chuttian

Pehla Dost: Tum Ne Garmion Ki Chuttian Kahan Guzareen?

Doosra Dost: 1 Din GHOREY Ki Qamar Pe Baqi 59 Din Hospital Me...

Ek Bar ek School me ek master ji

Ek Bar ek School me ek master ji Ek ladke ko khada kar ke bolte hai ki Batao Mohan Taj mahal kaha hai Mohan Bola pata nahi guru ji To Master ji bole Banch per khade ho jao Mohan Bola Abhi bhi nahi dikh raha hai Master ji

Teacher-santa tum kal skul kyu nahn aaye.

Teacher-santa tum kal skul kyu nahn aaye.
Santa-gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Teacher-kahan gire kahan lagi?
Santa-takiye pe gira tha aur aankh lag gayi.

Santa Pilot Se Head Phone

Santa Pilot Se Head Phone
Cheen Raha Hota Hai...

Pilot: Yeh Kia kar rahe Ho?

Santa: Ticket Hum Dein Aur
Gane(Songs) Tu Akela Sune

ChiLd 2 Dentist Doctor ..!!

ChiLd 2 Dentist Doctor ..!!
Kya Dard K Bgair Bhi Daant Nikalay ja sAktay Hain?
Dentist:Nahi..!
ChiLd: Agr Main NikaL doOn?
Doctor: NikaLo.

ChILd:He he he he

'"Ham na badlein gay waqt ki raftaar kay sath,,,

'"Ham na badlein gay waqt ki raftaar kay sath,,,
'"Faraz"'

Ham jab b milen gay hamari sabzi ka rate 1 he ho ga

Aalo 10rs kilo
Tamator 15rs
Muli 5 rs

Teacher Mehnat Karo Ga

Teacher Mehnat Karo Ga
Tou Kuch Bano Ga .

Pathan Student Teacher Hamra
Gadha Tou Itni Mehnat Karta Hai

Magr Wo Kuch Nahe Bana ...;->

I've No Girl friend

I've No Girlfriend



I've No Girl friend


I've No GirL Friend


I've No GirL Friend


Tum aPnay wA|i kA Number dE Do


Poori Das Ho jAin gI

Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho?

Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho? Aadha jism dikh raha hai.

Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai!

Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena

1st boss: Tumne us larki ko job Q nhi di?

1st boss: Tumne us larki ko job Q nhi di?
2nd boss:Yr wo boht bewakuf thi
1st:Wo kese?
2nd:Kuch nhi bs jb maine usay bethne k liye kaha to wo chair dhundne lgi

Ek operation ke bad patient bola-"

Ek operation ke bad patient bola-"Doctor saal kya ab me thik hu?" Jawab mila-"Doctor to neeche reh gaya mai to Chitragupt hu"

Maalik naukar se : Aaj tumane roti me

Maalik naukar se : Aaj tumane roti me jayada ghi laga diya hai.

Naukar : Galti ho gai maalik lagta hai mene aapko apni roti de di.

Teacher: Sach aur veham mai kya fark hai?

Teacher: Sach aur veham mai kya fark hai?

Stud: Aap jo hum ko pahra rahy hain wo sach hai lekin hum parh rahy hain ye apka veham hai:-)

Ek doctor k clinic k bahar lambi line

Ek doctor k clinic k bahar lambi line lagi huithi.. Ek sardar bar bar line me ghusta aur log ose bahar phenk dete. Usney kaha agay raho salo mai bhi clinic nahi kholunga

seller: yeh bakra 20000 ka

seller: yeh bakra 20000 ka
yeh 10000
yeh 5000
or woh wala sirf 500 rupee.
custmr: 500 ka kyun hai?
seller: china ka hai, koi guarantee naheen ghar jaa k bhonkna shuru ker dai

Baap bete se :Qutub minar kaha hai??

Baap bete se :Qutub minar kaha hai??
Beta : Pata nahi
Baap : Kabhi ghar se nikla karo
Beta : Ram Lal kon hai
Baap : Pata nahi kyo
Beta : Kabhi ghar me raha ka

By: deepak

Deadly IQ OF SANTA SINGH!

Deadly IQ OF SANTA SINGH!


Wat's d Opposite of ACHAAR??


A- ONION!

HOW?

A- Achaar=Pickle=Pee-Kal..

So, Opposite of Pee-Kal= Pee-Aaj= Onion!

A lucknowi nawab meets sardar.

A lucknowi nawab meets sardar.

Nawab: Janab kya main apko ek takleef de sakta hoon?


Sardar: O kutty hath to laga,
daikh tujhy zalel kese karta hon

Boy:Darling Hamare pyar ke

Boy:Darling Hamare pyar ke
bare mein kisi ko mat batana.


Girl: Sana ko to zaroor bataungi,
kehti thi kaun paagal hoga
jo tujhse pyar karega

Sahab: Tum bathroom mei q ghus aye,

Sahab:
Tum bathroom mei q ghus aye,
kia tumhain pta nahi tha k main naha raha hoon?

Mulazim:
Hazur galti ho gai,
main samjha tha begum sahiba naha rahi hain;-)

2 sardar were playing chess

2 sardar were playing chess

1st - ab bas hua hum khel band karte hain

2nd - thik hai , vaise bhi tumhara ghora aur mera hathi he baki hai .

Santa to policeman: Yeh har taraf kiyon likha hai:

Santa to policeman: Yeh har taraf kiyon likha hai: Gadi Dhire Chalao.

Policeman: Kiyon ki, Santa Ji, yahan duur duur tak koi hospital nahi hai.

Santa Police se:

Santa Police se:
Kal rat chor mere ghar se
TV ke Ilaaava sab samaan le gaye

Police:TV kyon nahi legaya??

Santa:TV to me dekh raha tha is liye..

Ek din RAWAN disko gaya--aur wo behons ho gay

Ek din RAWAN disko gaya--aur wo behons ho gaya..
soncho kyon??
??
??
??
kyonki disko me Entry ke liye 5000 Rs. per head tha..ha..ha..ha..ha..ha..

A sirdar was talking on telephone.

A sirdar was talking on telephone.
Friend: "Kis se baat kr rhe ho?"
Sardar: "BV se?
Friend: "Itne pyar se?"
Sardar: Tmhari hai..."

SoN: Mom MubArik HO,Meri

SoN: Mom MubArik HO,Meri 7 JanmO K Liay J0b Lag GAi HAi

MOM: Acha Beta Wo KOn C?

SoN: Mujhay Star Plus KI SeriAL Me KAm MiL Gya Hai..7 JanmO K Liay J0b Lag GAi HAi

MOM: Acha Beta Wo KOn C?

SoN: Mujhay Star Plus KI SeriAL Me KAm MiL Gya Hai..

SANTA& BANTA

santa:yar tere ghar me latrine bani hai?
banta:haan,aur tere ghar me?
santa:nai yar mere ghar me to daal chawal bana hai.

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho?

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho?
Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu.
Wife: Kitni mari?
Man: 3 male aur 2 female.
Wife: Kaise malum?
Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki thi or 2 phone se...

boy: main iss tree pe chadu to engineering college

boy: main iss tree pe chadu to engineering college i girls dikhegi....
girl: or tu wahan se gir gaya to medical college ki girls dikhegin...

Teacher :what happened in 1869 ?

Teacher :what happened in 1869 ?
Sardar : I don't know .
Teacher :stupid gandhiji was born ! Now tell what happened in 1873 ?
Sardar :gandhiji was 4 year old .

Kaunsi devi ka kaunsa prasad India main famous

Kaunsi devi ka kaunsa prasad India main famous hai?
RAABDI DEVI ka LALU PRASHAD.

Ek Family SHOLAY Dekh KE Aayi,

Ek Family SHOLAY Dekh KE Aayi,
Aur Pati Patni Se Romantically Bola,
"Nach Bsanti Nach." Child added:
"Mummy! is kutte Ke Samne Mat Nachna.

My no. is changd. Plz note my New no. is 100

My no. is changd. Plz note my New no. is 100, plz call me 2 comfrm. Mera naukar uthaye to 2-4 galiya de dena. Bada kamina hai, apne aap ko Police kehta hai....

Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any

Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage?

Wife remains silent

Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ??

Wife : Abbe gin ne to De

Rahul Gandhi apni maa soniyaji se

Rahul Gandhi apni maa soniyaji se - Mom, Aapki Vajah se meri shaadi Nahi ho rahi.
Sonia - Kyun ?
Rahul - Har Taraf Likha Hai Soniajiko Bahumatdo.(Bahu MatDo)

santa& banta

Santa: o yar!
Me kal film dekhne theater gaya!
Wahan such much admi ko kat rahe thy
Banta: o tu konse theater gaya tha?
Santa:
“Operation Theatre”

kutta poonch kyon hilata hai??

kutta poonch kyon hilata hai??

socho


kyonki ki poonch mai itnni takat nahi hoti k vo kutte ki hila sake

zamindar: ager me subah apni car me

zamindar: ager me subah apni car me niklu toh shaam taq me apni adhi zamin nahi deks sakta
santa:hamare paas bhi pele esi hi car thi

Judge: Y U've stolen money 4m dis man?

Judge: Y U've stolen money 4m dis man?
Santa: My lord I've nt stolen money. He jst gave it 2 me
Judge: Whn He gave U money ?
Santa: Whn I showd him gun ;->
Post Options

Santa Sharab Pikar

Santa Sharab Pikar
Sadhu Se Takra Gya

Sadhu Gusse Me-
Aye Murkh
Me Tuje
SHRAAP Deta Hu

Santa-Rukiye
Maharaj
Me Glas
Leke Ata hu

Santa:Jalidi 1 glass Juice dae larayi hone

Santa:Jalidi 1 glass Juice dae larayi hone wali hy,1 glass penay k baad, 1 glass or dy larai honewali hy
JuiceWala:Larai kab hogi
Santa:Jab tu paisay mange ga

>: (GHAJINI) AAMIR KHAN KI BODY ITNI JALDI KYUN BANI KYN K AAMIR KHAN 1 BAR JIM JATA THA 15 MINT BAD BHOOL JATA THA PHIR DUBARA CHALA JATA THA

>: (GHAJINI) AAMIR KHAN KI BODY ITNI JALDI KYUN BANI

KYN K AAMIR KHAN 1 BAR JIM JATA THA 15 MINT BAD BHOOL JATA THA
PHIR DUBARA CHALA JATA THA

Patient (Wakeel):Janab Ab Main Kya

Patient (Wakeel):Janab Ab Main Kya
Kha Sakta Hoon?

Doctor:Meri Fees K

Ilawa Sab Kuch Kha Saktay Hain…

1 Pathan Ne 1 Bachi Se Pocha

1 Pathan Ne 1 Bachi Se Pocha
Beta Kn Se Class Mai Parti Ho ?
Bachi:Kachi Mai

Pathan:Kachi Koun Si Class Hai?
Bachi:Hamre Class Mai farsh Nahi Hai
Is Lye

Cbi Raids In Katrina’s House.

Cbi Raids In Katrina’s House.

Bathroom - 20 Lacs Cash,Store Room
50 Kg Gold & Bed Room Full Of

My Photos

Sily Grl. .
Krazy About Me

Ek Ladki Khadi Thi,

Ek Ladki Khadi Thi,

Na Toh SMS Kr Rahi Thi Na Call Kr Rahi Thi,

Fir Bi Uska Balance Ja rha Tha..

Kaise?

Ek Pair Par Khadi Thi Na yaar!

1st Man:Janab Lagta Hy Menay Apka

1st Man:Janab Lagta Hy Menay Apka

Chehra Pehlay Bhi Kahin Dekha Hy

2nd Man:Ap Ko Glat Fehmi Hui HY Main Hr

Wqt Apna Chehra Sath Liay Phrta Hon.

Preika-Me maa banne wali hu!! m

Preika-Me maa banne wali hu!! m
Premi-R u mad?
KAHANI ME TWIST:
Premika-Bakvas nhi,me tumhare baap se shadi karke tumari maa banne wali hu

Bhikhari: Beti, ek rupya Deti ja

Bhikhari: Beti, ek rupya Deti ja
Tera suhaag sau saal jiye.

Woman: Ab to Main Tumhe ek phooti

kodi bhi nahi dungi.

Qatil-Kosis karna umer Kaid ho Fansi nai

Qatil-Kosis karna umer Kaid ho Fansi nai
Waqil-Dont Worry
Adalat k bad
Q-Kya hua
W-Bahut Muskilse umer qaid hui adlat to bari kr rha tha

Nawab to his Begam

Nawab to his Begam
Hata Lo Apne Chehre Se Ye Zulfe
O Jaane tamanna...









Agli baar Khaane me Baal Aaya to Gangi Kar Dunga
Post Options

Santa:Judge Sahab,Muje Talaq Chahye..

Santa:Judge Sahab,Muje Talaq Chahye.. Pichle 1Saal Se Meri Biwi Ne Mujse Bat Nhi Ki. Judge:1Baar Firse Sochle,Aisi Biwi Kismt Se Milti He

Bahu-maaji ye abi tk nai aye

Bahu-maaji ye abi tk nai aye
khi koi dusri Aurat?
Saas-kalmuhi tu hmesa ultaSochti h
aisa B to hoSkta h kisi truck k niche aagya ho

wakeel: my lord kanoon ki kitaab ke

wakeel: my lord kanoon ki kitaab ke saffha number 15 ke mutabiq mere muakkal ko ba izzat-bari kia jaye.

JUDGE: kitaab paish ki jaye

(kitab pesh ki gaye)

judge ne saffa khola to us mei 5000, 5000 k do note thay..

JUDGE: is tarah k do saboot aur pesh kiye jayein.

Munna: Teray ko maaloom hai

Munna: Teray ko maaloom hai k cigarette aik tarah say slow poison ka kaam karta hai.

Patient: To mujhay konsa marnay ki jaldi hai.

Girl in a party to a man: Excuse me

Girl in a party to a man: Excuse me sir kia aap mere FACE se 1 cheez hata sakte hain?
Man (KHUSH hoe huye): HAAN haan Zaroor bolo kia?
Girl: Manhoos aadmi apni nazrien.

Ek bacha paida hotay hi nurse

Ek bacha paida hotay hi nurse say bola: Mobile hai?
Nurse: Kya karo gay?
Bacha: GOD ko miss call deni hay kye khariat say pohanch gaya

SANTA& BANTA

Santa: Why do God stay up in heaven? Banta: Because they are afraid of what they have created!

A couple in train

A couple in train,
GIRL-my hand is paining...... Boy kisses her hand
after some time GIRL-my neck is paining....
BJ oy kisses her neck,
A old man ask- BHAI BAWASIR KA BHI ILAJ KARTE HO KYA?

santa&banta

santa - tune meri jeb me haath kyu dala??
banta - nuje machis lena he.
santa - mujhse maang lete..
banta - me ajnabiyo se baat nahi karta

Son-hum patakhe yaha se lenge

Son-hum patakhe yaha se lenge
Mom-ye to grls hostl h?
M-papa khte the sab phuljharia yaha milti he

SARDAR 100 VOLT K BULB

SARDAR 100 VOLT K BULB PR BAP KA NAM LIKH RAHA THA...

KISI NE POCHA YE KYA KR RAHE HO?

SARDAR: BAP KA NAM ROSHAN KAR RAHA HOON..

Sardar: AAj mae ny PAni ko Ullu bana dia.

Sardar: AAj mae ny PAni ko Ullu bana dia.

Frnd: Pani ko Ullu? Wo kaise?


Sardar: Oye!Subah maeny Pani GARAM kiya or THANDAY pani se NAha liya

Ek commerce ki ladki kaise gali degi?

Ek commerce ki ladki kaise gali degi?
Saale bounced cheque,dharti pe liability,pedaishi bad-debt,insolventaadmi,itna marungi Balance Sheet tally nahin hogi..

Dehati aurat cheque cash

Dehati aurat cheque cash karwane bank gayi
Clerk: Yahan sign karo
Aurat: Kaise
Clerk: Jaise letter ke aakhir mein likhti ho
She wrote: AAP KE MUNNE KI MA

Boy: Shadi kar k bhag jaye ya

Boy: Shadi kar k bhag jaye ya bhag kar shadi kare...
Girl: Fati hui chappal se mar khayega ya chappal fatne tak mar khayaga.....

Guys playing cards

Guys playing cards

Guy1 : I Promised
my wife I’ll Not Play
Cards anymore

Guy2 : Then what the hell
are you doing now?

Guy1 : I Never promised
I Won’t Tell Lies.

Patient to doctor: Aapne nurse bahaut

Patient to doctor: Aapne nurse bahaut aachi rakhi hai, uska haat lagte hi mai theek ho gaya.
Doctor: Janta hu, thappad ki awaaj mujhe bhi sunai di the.

Tchr: Bachho batao billi 1 saath itne saare bacche kaise paida karti hai? Kid: Mam agar aap road pe billi ki tarha ghumo to aap ko pata chal jayega!!

Tchr: Bachho batao billi
1 saath itne saare bacche kaise paida karti hai?

Kid: Mam agar aap road pe
billi ki tarha ghumo to aap ko pata chal jayega!!

Santa Cycle Ki Break Hath Me Lekar Nach Raha Tha. Man-Ye Kya Kar Rahe Ho? Santa-Oye! BREAK DANCE

Santa Cycle Ki Break Hath Me Lekar Nach Raha Tha.

Man-Ye Kya Kar Rahe Ho?
Santa-Oye! BREAK DANCE

Doctor: Bachey ko paani dene se pehle boil kar lena chahiye … Sardar: Lekin Janab Boil karne se bacha marr toh nahi jaye ga!!

Doctor: Bachey ko paani
dene se pehle boil kar
lena chahiye …

Sardar: Lekin Janab
Boil karne se bacha
marr toh nahi jaye ga!!

Man: Dr Mujhe normal potti nahi aati,Chawal khaya to chawal nikle,Roti khayi to roti,normal k liye kya karu, Dr: PoTTI KHA!!!!

Man: Dr Mujhe normal potti nahi aati,Chawal khaya to chawal nikle,Roti khayi to roti,normal k liye kya karu,
Dr: PoTTI KHA!!!!

Air hostess: Aap 1 gante me 4bar toilet

Air hostess: Aap 1 gante me 4bar toilet gaye! R U OK? Kya aap ko chein nahi hai?
SARDAR: 'Chain' hai par khulti nahi hai!!!

Doctor patient k peche bhag raha tha.

Doctor patient k peche bhag raha tha.

Ek admi ne pocha kya hua?

Doctor: 4 baar aisa he hua hai sala brain ka operation karwane aata hai aur baal katwa k chala jata

Santa throw his mobile in samundar

Santa throw his mobile in samundar & bola “ Aa aa upar aa”
His friend ask pani me se upar kaise aayega.
Santa bola “ Kyon nahi aayega DOLPHIN jo hai.”

santa & banta

Santa Banta ko – Yaar lag raha hai menu bird flue ho gaya
Banta :-> Tenu keda pata
Santa :-> Yaar mera hai na kal se udne ko man kar raha hai.

Jahaz tofan me ghir gya

Jahaz tofan me ghir gya

CAPTAN : ksiko tofan sa bach nklna ki dua ati ha?

A man raisd hand

CAPT said: OK ap dua pr gzara krn hmary pas 1 life jackt km hy ;->

zardari cycle pe ja raha tha nwaz sharif

zardari cycle pe ja raha tha nwaz sharif mila or bola ALLAH ke nam pe kuch de do saieen zardari.. aa chal tuje aik or chaker doon

Wife : Kal rat tum nind me muje galiya de rahe the

Wife : Kal rat tum nind me muje galiya de rahe the
Husband : Tumhe galat-fehmi hui he

Wife : Kaisi galat-fehmi?
Husband : Yehi ki me nind me tha

Ek boyfriend apni girl friend se bola,

Ek boyfriend apni girl friend se bola, darling mere kaan mein
kuch naram sa, kuch halka, kuch mulayam sa kaho.
Girl friend boli 'DHOKLA'

Teacher:Oxygen is must for Breathing .

Teacher:Oxygen is must for Breathing . It was discovered in 1773.
Sardar:Thank God I was born after that .
Pehla Paida hota to mar hi jata .

GIRLS 1970: Jia beqraar hai aai bahar hai

GIRLS 1970: Jia beqraar hai aai bahar hai, aa ja moray baalma taira intzar hai
GIRLS 2009: Jia beqraar hai aai bahar hai, aa ja moray baalma WERNA DOSRA TIYAR HAI....

Boy- Nice dress!

Boy- Nice dress!
Girl- Thanx!
Boy- Lipstick bhi acchhi hai..
Girl- Thanx!
Boy- Make up bhi achha hai!
Girl- Thanx bhaiyya!
Boy- Phirbhi sundar nahi lag rahi... ;-)

Sante ne Apni Biwi ko Dost k

Sante ne Apni Biwi ko Dost k sath ghumte hoye dekh kr Dost ko goli mar di
biwi boli
Apne Gusse pe kabu rakho Varna 1din sare Dosto se Hath
dho bethoge.

Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush

Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha…

Titanic

Ek 16 saal ka ladka mar gaya..

Ek 16 saal ka ladka mar gaya..

Uski maa boli- isne toh abhi duniya bhi nahi dekhi

1 ladki boli- aunty aap chinta nat karo maine dikha di thi

Memon At Petrol Pump

Memon At Petrol Pump

Bhai 1rs Ka Petrol Dal Do

Salesman: Bhai Itna Sara Petrol Dalva
K Kahan Jana Hai?

Memon: Jana Kahan Hai Hm
To Aise Hi Paise Urate Hen

Papa- Beti 12th K Bad Kya Karogi?

Papa- Beti 12th K Bad Kya Karogi?

Beti- B.B.A Karungi.

Papa- Wat is BBA!

Beti- Boyfriend Ki Bike Pr Aish ..!

Boy- chal shadi kr ke bhag jate hai ya bhag k

Boy- chal shadi kr ke bhag jate hai ya bhag k shadi kr le. Gil- fate hue chappal se mar khayega ya chappal fatne tak mar khayega.

Girl 2 Pandit: Ji mere 2 affairs hain,

Girl 2 Pandit: Ji mere 2 affairs hain, un dono main kis ke saath shadi hogi? wo khush naseeb kon hoga??
Pandit: Pehle se shadi hogi or dosra khush naseeb hoga.

pagal-Dr. sahab main khud ko bhagwan samjhne

pagal-Dr. sahab main khud ko bhagwan samjhne laga hu.doctor-ye problem kabse hai? pagal- jabse maine ye duniya banai hai

Santa: Doctor, when I take a bath I get wet

Santa: Doctor, when I take a bath I get wet. Doctor: Ok, next time when you are going to take a bath, turn off the tap.

Bnta:Baccha Paida hotay samay nanga Q aata hy?

Bnta:Baccha Paida hotay samay nanga Q aata hy?
S:Us k pas kapde kharedne k liya paise kaha Hota hy

Aman To Chaman: Tell Me 5 Animals Living In

Aman To Chaman: Tell Me 5 Animals Living In Water?
Aman: Hmmm…..Fish.
Chaman: Thik Ha Aur Chaar?
Aman: Fish Ke Brother, Sister Father And Mother…

MUSHARAF narak me yamraj se:

MUSHARAF narak me yamraj se: Ek call pakistan kar lu?
yam: Ok !
call ke baad,
Mush :kitna bill hua?
Yam :kuch nahi.
Mush :kyon?
Yam : Narak 2 narak free hai...

salman:aaj mere paas 14 cars,

salman:aaj mere paas 14 cars, 18 bikes, 4 bunglow,3 farmhouse hai......
tere paas kya hai?

amitabh: mere paas beta hai...
jiske paas teri item hai!!

bandar ki beti ne kaha papa main

bandar ki beti ne kaha papa main sadi karna chahti hun to bap ne kaha ruko dulha sms padh raha hai.agar w muskura de to samjho rista paka ho gaya.

Pagal khane me pagal nach rhe the

Pagal khane me pagal nach rhe the
In me se 1 pagal khamosh baitha tha
Dr.ne pucha
tum q khamosh baithe ho ?

pagal ne kaha
bewquf mai Dulha hu....

Pagal khane me pagal nach rhe the

Pagal khane me pagal nach rhe the
In me se 1 pagal khamosh baitha tha
Dr.ne pucha
tum q khamosh baithe ho ?

pagal ne kaha
bewquf mai Dulha hu....

6 Hijede badhaai dene gaye.

6 Hijede badhaai dene gaye.
-:Haye-Haye:- **Hume to 2100 Lenge 2100**
piche se aawaz aaiiiiiiiiiiii
abe 2300 lelo Usme FM Bhi Hain.

Child:papa aunty ka pait kion phola hai?

Child:papa aunty ka pait kion phola hai?
Father:tujhey sub pata hai!
Child: nahin pata promise!
Father: in k pait main pani bhara hay
CHILD:Oh No! Bacha to doob jaye

Mallika Sherawat ne Baba Ramdevji se

Mallika Sherawat ne Baba Ramdevji se pucha ke me nahate samay kya lagun ki mera yauvan surakshit rahe ?

Baba ne kaha -
CHITAKANI

Next Generation sholay dialog-

Next Generation sholay dialog-
Mom: Beta so jaa warna gabbar aa jayega..
Son: 100 rupya do warna papa ko bata dunga ki mere sone ke baad gabbar aata hai..

Raat ko ek ladki ne Santa ki car ko rukne ka ishara

Raat ko ek ladki ne Santa ki car ko rukne ka ishara kia
: Oh, Im Sorry! Main samjhi taxi hai.
Santa: Main bhi yehi samjha tha.

Man: sir i m married, i had 10 childs,

Man: sir i m married, i had 10 childs, plz tell me my favorite stone, favorite star, & favorite number, Astropamist: Oh. No. ab ap ka guzara SABAZ SITARA sey hi ho ga……

Aap ko macharone bhahoot pareshan kiya

Aap ko macharone bhahoot pareshan kiya usaki khopadi ghoomi,usane zahar piya aou bola kato kato ab sab mar jaogey.

pandit- tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiyaan aayengi...

pandit- tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiyaan aayengi...
boy- kab aayengi???
pandit- jyada khush hone ki jarurat nahi hai, 1 biwi aur 5 daughters hain...

Child: Mom is bar hum sare patakhe is shop se

Child: Mom is bar hum sare patakhe is shop se lenge.
Mom: lekin beta ye to girls hostel hai.
Child: Papa to kehte hai ki sari phuljadiyan yhi rahti hai.

2 Aadmi kabrastan me

2 Aadmi kabrastan me
1 bola-Ye log bade Aaram se sote hai
1 Murda kabra se utha or bola Kyo na soye
Yeh jagah Jaan dekar hasil ki hai

aurat jyotish k pas jakar hath dikhati he

aurat jyotish k pas jakar hath dikhati he
Jyotsh: Aap 3 mahine me vidhva ho jayogi.
Aurat:Ye to mujhe bi pata he,ye batao pakdi jaaungi ya nai

Jailor-Tum kis zurm mai andar aye ho

Jailor-Tum kis zurm mai andar aye ho


Qaidi-Sarkar Se competition ho gaya tha


Jaiol-Kis baat ka


Qaidi-Note chap ne ka

Air hostes pathan se,

Air hostes pathan se,
Sir,ap kya lena pasand karenge
Pathan: Humare liye taveez wala chai lao,
Airhostes: Abey akhrot, woh taveez nahi tea bag he

jinn: kya hukum hai mere aka?

jinn: kya hukum hai mere aka?
Aaka: mere acount me 10crore cashaur katrina se shadi 10 sec me kara do
jinn: aaka hukum karo haramipana nahi....!!

Waiter gives bill 2 Santa

Waiter gives bill 2 Santa
Santa:Take this card.
Waiter:But sir,this is voter card.
Santa:So what?u hav written there-ALL CARDS ACCEPTED

Aik Pagal: “Mujhe Katrina ne shadi k lye haan bol

Aik Pagal: “Mujhe Katrina ne shadi k lye haan bol di hai”

Doosra: “Dikha di na usne apni auqat.
Main bhi itni asani se tallaaq nahi dunga.

Gabbar Wala darr Ab Purana Ho Gaya

Gabbar Wala darr Ab Purana Ho Gaya
Aajkal Door Gao Me Raat KO Jab Maa-Baap Sote Nahi.
To Bachcha Kehta Hai:So Jao Bapu..Nahi To Ek aur HO jayega.

Tufani barish me rat ko pizza hut par

Tufani barish me rat ko pizza hut par Santa pizza lene gaya..Waiter : Ap maried hO?..Santa : .....is tufani barish me kya meri maa muje pizza lene bhejegi..

Boy went 2 drop AuntyA:Raat ho gai Bitu k Pas

Boy went 2 drop AuntyA:Raat ho gai Bitu k Pas So jao B:No Anty Sofe Pe So JaungaNxt day a Sexy GIRL brng Tea B:Aap?Gal:me Bitu & UBoy:Ulu ka patha;-)

What is common between Allama Iqbal,

What is common between Allama Iqbal, Gandhi and
Qaid-e-Azam?
Pathan replied
“All r born on govt holidays”

aik pathan bachpan sai hi pareshan tha kai

aik pathan bachpan sai hi pareshan tha kai
meri behan kai 3 bhai hain lakin meray 2

1Rat 1Kanjus K Ghar Aag Lgi Thi

1Rat 1Kanjus K Ghar Aag Lgi Thi
Wo Apne Ghar Ko Bacha Nahi Saka

Puchho Q?

Q Ki Wo Sari Raat FIRE BRIGADE Wale Ko Mis cal karta raha!
LikeU

100 logon se pucha gaya k unko Larkiyon ka

100 logon se pucha gaya k unko Larkiyon ka
“BRAIZER”
kis tarah ka pasand hai?

2% ne kaha
“White”

1% ne kaha
“Black”

97% ne kaha
.
.
“UTRA HUA”

Boy: BUS aur LARKI

Boy: BUS aur LARKI
aik jaisi hoti hain,
1 jaati hai to doosri aa jati hai.

Girl: RAKSHAY aur LARKAY
ek jaisay hotay hain,
1 ko bulao 4 chale aate hain

A boy told his friend, “yar aik larki

A boy told his friend, “yar aik larki mujh ko hans k dekh rahi hai”. Friend answered: “Sahi se dekh, hans k dekh rahi hai ya dekh k hans rahi hai :-)”

Maalik to Santa: Tu to kehta tha

Maalik to Santa: Tu to kehta tha ke tu thakta nahi hai. Aaj fir tu sota hua paya gaya hai.

Santa: Mere na thakne ka yahi to raaz hai.

Patient - Dr. sabah ye dava kisi bhi

Patient - Dr. sabah ye dava kisi bhi medical store me nahi mil rahi.
Dr. - Ohh sorry, medicine likhni to mein bhool hi gaya, ye to mera signature hai

Ladka Shadi ke liye ladki dekhne gaya,

Ladka Shadi ke liye ladki dekhne gaya,
usne ladki se pucha,
Tumpe me Vishwas kaise karu?
Ladki Boli pehle istemal karo phir vishwas karo.

3 pagalo ko hospital se discharge karte samay

3 pagalo ko hospital se discharge karte samay doctors ne test kiya dewar per door ka scatch banaya aur teeno se kaha yeh door khol kar ghar jao 2 pagal bhag kar door kholne lage doctors ne pehle wale se pocha tum door nahi khologe to us ne kaha yeh dono pagal hai us door ki key mere pass hai

Pathan Cycle Ka

Pathan Cycle Ka
Brake hath mein
Lekar nach
Raha Tha
Sardar: yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Pathan: oye!
Yara dikhta nahi kya?
BRAKE DANCE!
More Sms

American pathan se : Hum chand par ja sakta hay.

American pathan se : Hum chand par ja sakta hay.
Pathan : To kia hua ham sooraj par ja sakta hay.
American : Impossible Tum jal jao gay.

Pathan : Hum pagal nahi hay ham raat mein jaiga

Agar 25 rupayee mein pav bhaji

Agar 25 rupayee mein pav bhaji milti hai to 100 rupayee mein kya milega..

?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
?
Santa- poori bhaji

Naye company mai job aaye hai salary

Naye company mai job aaye hai salary 80,000 karne hai to jaldi reply karo.Zyada mehnat ka kam nahi hai bas bijli ke taron per,gela kapra marna hai.

Nojwan aage bado. Santa aage nahi bada.

Nojwan aage bado. Santa aage nahi bada.
Captain:-tum aage kyun nahi bade.
Santa :-apne kaha 9jawan aage bado main 10ve number pe hun.

Doctor: Jab apko pata tha chipkali apke

Doctor: Jab apko pata tha chipkali apke
kan me ghus rahi hai to aap chup kyu the?
Santa: pehle Cockroach gya tha
to mujhe lga k chipkali use pakadne ja rahi hai

Kanjoos : Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?

Kanjoos : Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos :Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de

santa & banta

Santa:Meri Mummy Ne Kal Murga Banaya.

Banta:Kinu, Tenu Ke Tere Bapu Nu?

Teachr:Translate-Bazar Me Goliyan Chal Rhi He

Teachr:Translate-Bazar Me Goliyan Chal Rhi He


Santa:The Tablets R Walking In The Market

Larki Waley : Aap Ka

Larki Waley : Aap Ka
Beta Kia Kerta Hy ???


Larke Ki Maa





Mera Beta 3 Rs
Mein 500 Sms
Kerta Hy ... ;->

Santa & banta

Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.

banta & santa

Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta

Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua.

Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua. Agle Din Hathi ki Maut ho
gai...!! Chinti Boli Wah Mohabbat, EK din ka pyar hua, ab sari
umra kabr khodnemai bitegi..!!

Santa visits Mysore palace

Santa visits Mysore palace. Guide: Please don’t sit there, this is Tipu Sultan’s chair. Santa: Don’t worry, I will get up when he comes.

ladki dhundhi hai

ladki dhundhi hai

wo roopvati, gunvati aur sarasvati hai..

beta:lekin me kisi aur ladki se pyaar karta hu

aur wo GARBHVATI hai..

sales man:sir cokroach ke liye

sales man:sir cokroach ke liye powder loge kya?
santa:nahi hum cokroch itna lad pyar nahi karte aaj poder dege to kal deo mangega

CHOR:Apne paise nikal

CHOR:Apne paise nikal

MAN:I am Zardari,President of pak

CHOR:Acha to phir hamare paise nikalo

Chuha-mujse shadi krogi?

Chuha-mujse shadi krogi?

Sherni-apni aukat me reh.

Chuha-aukat ki baat mat kar,

confidence dekh.

Santa Ne Najaiz Ghar Banaya Ksi

Santa Ne Najaiz Ghar Banaya Ksi Ne Mashwara Dia
Ghar K Bahar Aisi Chowking Krdo K Police Smje Porana Ghr Hy


Santa Ne Dewar Pe Likha

Anarkali Ko Riha Kro

A girl asked ~hujur can i kiss my lover?

A girl asked ~hujur can i kiss my lover?Hujur:Astagfirullah.Girl:Can I kiss my boyfriend?Hujur:Nowjubillah. Girl:Can I kiss you?Hujur:Why not? Alhamdulilla

bhikhArI- “das paise kA savAl hai,

bhikhArI- “das paise kA savAl hai, bAbujI das paise kA …. .”
bAbujI- “are CUM-se-CUM merI aukAt dekhakar mANg,
kyA das paise mANg rahA hai.”
bhikhArI- “bAbujI ek rupaye kA savAl hai.”
bAbujI- “abe… apanI aukAt dekhakar mANg.”

Mike is causing trouble and Ajit

Mike is causing trouble and Ajit and Robert are discussing it. Robert: Bass !!! Mike humein jeene nahin dega !! Ajit: Koi Baat Nahin, Robert, Usey CHAMPAGNE mein bhigo do, SHAME usey jeene nahin dega aur PAIN usey marney nahin dega... ha ha ha

Ek mota sa seth ka chhora doosre

Ek mota sa seth ka chhora doosre chhore ke uppar chaddha bethya aur usney dhad dhad chhetan lag raya aur saath mein jor jor sey ron lagryatha. Rah chalde admi ne bujya,
"Re seth chhetan to tu isney lagrya pher rovey kyun hai?"
Seth bolya, "Main is khattar ron lagrya ke jeeb main uthunga to pher ke hovega."

Akhbaar wala ek haryanavi filmon

Akhbaar wala ek haryanavi filmon ke hero ka interview leve tha. Uste poochan lagya,
"Jungle mein thaare aage sher aaje to tum ke karoge?"
Hero bolya,
"Arre manne ke karna se, pher to jo bhi karega woh to susra sher he karega!"

Ek bhai saadi te bahut dara kare thaa.

Ek bhai saadi te bahut dara kare thaa. Ek bai gaam mein thanedar aaga us din us bhai ki bhans kise ki juwar kha gi. Ghana ulahana aa ya. To uske ghar wale bole, "Thanedar sahab isne dara ke ne saadi tahi tyar kara do yo saadi te bahut dare se."
Thanedar ne us bhai ko dara dhamka ke bola, "Teri yehi saza hai ke tere ko saadi karni padegi."
Bhai usne darte ne saadi ki haan kar li. Saadi mein jab dulhan ko uske paas laya gaya to wo bola, "E bebe teri bhans ne bhi kise ki juwar kha li thee ke?"

DON ka intazaar toh 11 companies' ke HR

DON ka intazaar toh 11 companies' ke HR
kar rahe hai par EK baat samajh lo DON
ko retain karna muskil hi nahi namumkin hai
Kisi bhi company ki diware itni majboot
nahi jo DON ko retain kar sake!
DON ko do type ki companies bilkul pasand nahin…
DON ko woh company bikul pasand nahi hai jo kaam
karaye AUR Doosri jo paise kam de....
EK jo Recruit karne main bhaut der kare AUR
Doosri wo jo Fauran(Immediate) Recruit karle.
DON ke PM ki sabse badi galti ye hai ki woh DON ka PM hai....

Mickey Mouse: Ajit, Muzhe Ramayan

Mickey Mouse: Ajit, Muzhe Ramayan padhnee hai.
Ajeet: Raabert, isse wall peh chipka do
Raabert: yeh kyon baas?
Ajeet: Taaki yeh waal-mickey kehlaygaa aur usse Ramayan apne aap samazh me ayegee!

There was just one cinema

There was just one cinema theater in the Village. The village people, though backward were very patriotic.
In fact as a cinema screen the owner of the theater had installed a khaadi dhoti. The villagers were very happy with the idea of a khaadi dhoti screen. They decided to dedicate the theater to Mahatma Gandhiji, and named the theatre: GANDHI KEE DHOTI

Sundar Shushil Sabhya

TUM

Achhe

Sachhe

Sundar

Shushil

Sabhya

B uddhiMaan

Logon se dur Hi Rehna

Warna
wo b BHIGAD Jayenge:)

Teacher: what is meant by

Teacher: what is meant by
“I MISS YOU”
.
.
.
.
Pathan: Is ka matlab hai
“Mein tumhari miss hon!”

What is common between Allama Iqbal

What is common between Allama Iqbal,What is common between Allama Iqbal, Gandhi and
Qaid-e-Azam?
Pathan replied
“All r born on govt holidays”

Son : Daddy, aap Egypt kab gaye?

Son : Daddy, aap Egypt kab gaye?

Father : Kabhi nahi! Kyu?

Son : Aapko Mummy kahaam se mili?

Santa Ricksey wale se :- Oy Railway Station

Santa Ricksey wale se :- Oy Railway Station Jayega.
Reckse wala:- hanji.
Santa:- To jao n yaha kyo khare ho.

Santa: Should i buy tickets to my children.

Santa: Should i buy tickets to my children.

Conductor: Yes only if they are above 8.

Santa: Thank god i have only 6 children

Teacher Kisses Ko Sentence Main

Teacher Kisses Ko Sentence Main
Is Tarah Istamal Karo K Word Kiss Bhi
Na Aaye Aur Meaning Aajae

Student Aaj Subah Subah
Begam Se Buhat Moun Maari Hui

taxi driver:madam me abtak 10 pregnant

taxi driver:madam me abtak 10 pregnant ladkiyo ko airport chhod chuka hoon.... Girl:But i am not pregnant.Driver;Abhi tak airportkaha aaya hai????

Munna Bhai > Abay Sirkit,

Munna Bhai > Abay Sirkit,
Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa,
meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Sirkit > par Bhai aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna Bhai > Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada ha

Santa: Dr. sahab 'Plastic Surjery' karvane

Santa: Dr. sahab 'Plastic Surjery' karvane me kitna kharcha aaega.

Dr: 5 lakh

Santa: Agar 'Plastic' hum de to..??

Santa apne bete se bola Bevakuf kaisa

Santa apne bete se bola Bevakuf kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek bhi tili nahi jalti
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa sab tili test karke layah hu.

son:papa apko yad hai app ne kaha

son:papa apko yad hai app ne kaha tha ke agar tum pass ho gaye to tumhe 5000rs milge ...
dad:hian mujhe yad hai.
son: papa good news hai appke 500 rs bach gaye

Tcher-Water ka formula batao

Tcher-Water ka formula batao
-
Snta-H2 MgCl NaCl HNO3O
-
Tcher-Ye kya hai?
-
Snta-Sir ye Delhi ka pani hai.

Santa:-yar uth bhukamp aa rha hai sara ghar

Santa:-yar uth bhukamp aa rha hai sara ghar hill raha hai. Banta:- soja yaar ghar to makanmalik ka hi girega!!!

Baniya 14floor se neche gira

Baniya 14floor se neche gira
Girte hue usne apni gharKi khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NA PAKANA!

Jo hamesha hasta raheta hai usko HUSMUKH kaht

Jo hamesha hasta raheta hai usko HUSMUKH kahte hai

Aur jiska hasna bilkul hi bandh ho gaya hai use kya kehte hai?

HUSBAND

banta & santa

Banta-Ye chitthi tum kise likh rahe ho?
Santa-khud ko
Banta-Isme kya likha hai ?
Santa-maloom nahi
Banta-kyu?
Santa-Abhi mujhe mili kaha hai

Bahu:Maaji ye abhi tak nahi aye

Bahu:Maaji ye abhi tak nahi aye
kahi koi dusri Aurat?
Saas:kalmuhi tu hamesa ulta Sochti h
aisa B to ho Sakta h kisi truck k niche agya ho

Santa subah Tatti gaya..

Santa subah Tatti gaya..
Bahut der tak nahi aayi
Usne fir try kiya par nahi aayi
Santa bola are aa q nahi rahi hai !
Me kaun sa tujhe kha jaunga !

santa & banta

Santa -Apki shadi ho
Gayi?
Banta -Haji,1ladki se hui hai.
Santa -Shaadi to ladki se hi hoti hai
Banta -Nahi ji meri bahan ki to ladke Se hui hai

santa & banta

santa : sholay ke waqt kitne aadmi the...








banta : mujhe kya pata shooting ke samy mai wahan nahi tha

Santa se kissi ne poocha k santa ji agar

Santa se kissi ne poocha k santa ji agar app ko garmi lagy to app
kya karo gay?
santa bola jenab hum a.c k pass ja k beth jain gay,
admai ne bola jenab agar phir bhi appko garmi lagy to kya karo gay?
santa bola, jenab tab hum a.c on kar lain gay.

1st child-mere papa bhahut darpok hai.

1st child-mere papa bhahut darpok hai.2nd child-kaise?ist child-jab bhi road cross karte hai meri ungli pakad lete hai.

Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO

Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale ko 2 thappad laga diye. Socho kyon?
Because PCO ke bahar likha tha, dial karne se pahle 2 lagaye...

1 Pathan hamesha Apne Mobile K Saath

1 Pathan hamesha Apne Mobile K Saath 1 Scissor Rakhta Tha,
Kisi Ne Poocha??
“Khan Saab Ye Konsi Science Hai ?”
Pathan: :”O Yaara Kbhi Kbhi Call Katna B Par Jata Hy Na

Bania market jata hai underwear purchase karne.

Bania market jata hai underwear purchase karne.

Bania: Yeh kitne ka hai?

Shopkeeper: Rs 500.

Kanjoos Bania: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, party wear nahi.

Santa bahut pareshaan tha usse

Santa bahut pareshaan tha usse kisi ne pucha santa itne pareshaan kyu ho to santa bola are yaar ek dost ko plastic surgury ke liye 2 lakh rupayee diye the ab phechan nahi paa raha hoo.

Santa public toilet gaya aur ek gante aad nikla.

Santa public toilet gaya aur ek gante aad nikla.
Bahar baita jamadar bola- 20rs
Santa-saale... bathroom me baita tha... koi cyber cafe me nahi...

Santa: Station tak jane ke kitne paise?

Santa: Station tak jane ke kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2 Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2 Rs mein kaun le ke jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.

Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho

Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar Lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!

Santa & banta

Santa:
Yaar Koi Aisa Karobaar Bata Jis Mein Ziada Munaafa Ho?

Banta:
Aisa Kar Sardiyon Main Sasti Baraf Le Kar Garmiyon Main Baich Dy

Larka: Tum kitni haseen ho,

Larka: Tum kitni haseen ho,

Larki: choro na

Larka: tumhari ankhain kitni haseen hain,

Larki: choro na tum be

Larka: itni dair se chor hi to raha hoØn.

Sir: kal class me kyu absent tha?

Sir: kal class me kyu absent tha?
Boy: girlfriend se milne gaya tha.
Sir: kis liye?
Boy: yes Sirr.. bauhat saare KISS liye

banta & santa

Banta-Ye chitthi tum kise likh rahe ho?
Santa-khud ko
Banta-Isme kya likha hai ?
Santa-maloom nahi
Banta-kyu?
Santa-Abhi mujhe mili kaha hai

Bahu:Maaji ye abhi tak nahi aye

Bahu:Maaji ye abhi tak nahi aye
kahi koi dusri Aurat?
Saas:kalmuhi tu hamesa ulta Sochti h
aisa B to ho Sakta h kisi truck k niche agya ho

Santa subah Tatti gaya..

Santa subah Tatti gaya..
Bahut der tak nahi aayi
Usne fir try kiya par nahi aayi
Santa bola are aa q nahi rahi hai !
Me kaun sa tujhe kha jaunga !

santa & banta

Santa -Apki shadi ho
Gayi?
Banta -Haji,1ladki se hui hai.
Santa -Shaadi to ladki se hi hoti hai
Banta -Nahi ji meri bahan ki to ladke Se hui hai

Santa se kissi ne poocha k santa

Santa se kissi ne poocha k santa ji agar app ko garmi lagy to app
kya karo gay?
santa bola jenab hum a.c k pass ja k beth jain gay,
admai ne bola jenab agar phir bhi appko garmi lagy to kya karo gay?
santa bola, jenab tab hum a.c on kar lain gay.

Santa: Express kitne baje ki hai?

Santa: Express kitne baje ki hai?

TT:1 baje

Santa: local?

TT:9 baje

Santa: maalgadi?

TT:12 baje

TT:jana kahan hai?

Santa: Patri pe potti karni hai...!!

santa & banta

Santa sing ka 20 saal bad bacha hua.
Wo udas ho gaya.


Banta : Yaar udas kion ho?
Santa : 20 sal baad bacha huwa wo bhi itna sa.

kabhi wafa se pyaar mt krna

kabhi wafa se pyaar mt krna
Q mt karna ? maare jaoge
Q maare jaoge ?
Qki wafa OSAMA ki .bati ka naam hai....

guest host se- main khana kha raha hoon par

guest host se- main khana kha raha hoon par ye kutta mujhe kyun dekh raha hai?
host- ye kutta apni plate achhi tarah pehchanata hai.

santa & banta

Santa: Tumnay new car kb li?
Banta: Ek din ek larki mujhey apni car mai bhita kar lay gai, aur
kapray utar kar boli jo chahiye lay lo, maine car lay li
Santa: Changa keeta kapray ki karnay siiiiii (well done, what you will do with cloths!)

Munna : Yaar Circuit ,ye gandhiji Har note

Munna : Yaar Circuit ,ye gandhiji Har note me haste kuy rehte hai?
Circuit:Simple hai bhai! Royenge to note gila ho jaye ga......

Dr:jab apko pta tha chipkali apke kaan

Dr:jab apko pta tha chipkali apke kaan me ghus rahi hai to aap chup Q the?
Santa:pahle Cockroach gaya tha to muje laga ki chipkali use pakdne ja rhi thi

santa & banta

Santa: Main ek baar jungle mein susu karne gaya toh waha per Sher tha.
Banta: Phir kya hua?

Santa: Maine Sher se kaha, “Pehle tum karlo, mera toh ho gaya hai.”

Pathan BLOOD Ke bare mein book parh raha tha

Pathan BLOOD Ke bare mein book parh raha tha

Wife: Aaj yeh book kyu parh rahe ho ji?
Pathan: Mujhe doctor ne kaha hai ke kal mera BLOOD test hai iss liye test ki tayari kar raha hoon.

santa & banta

Santa: Tu office mein toh bada sher bana ghumta hai, ghar par kya ho jata hai?
Banta: Hota toh sher hi hoon par DURGA sawar ho jaati hai…

Banta selling Parashut : Plane se kudo,

Banta selling Parashut : Plane se kudo, Button Dabao, Aur aap zamin pe safely land!
Custmer : Agar Parashut na khula to?
Banta : O G paise wapas.

1 pathan chilkay sameat kela kha raha tha,

1 pathan chilkay sameat kela kha raha tha,
kisi ne us ko toka,
is ko cheel to lo.
pathan bola : chelne ka kia zarorat he humko malum he is K andr kia he.

Teacher Pathan Se: Batao Allama Iqbal Kaha Peda

Teacher Pathan Se: Batao Allama Iqbal Kaha Peda Huwe oR Unhone Kaha Taleem Hasil Ki?

PATHAN : Wo Hospital Men Peda Huwe oR School Men Taleem Hasil Ki, ;-)

husband wife se bola

husband wife se bola
hata lo apne chehre se ye zulfe
E jane-e-tamanna
khuda kasam agli baar khane me baal aya to
SAJNI
Se
GHAJANI
bana
dunga.....

Sherni ke ghar waalo ne haathi ka rishta kyon

Sherni ke ghar waalo ne haathi ka rishta kyon
Nahi liya…? socho…?
Thoda sa aur socho…socho. ..socho.. .
Yaar unke ghar ka aapsi maamla hai,
Tumko kya lena dena hai.

American: Hamare desh me war

American: Hamare desh me war
hogaya.
Santa: Hamare india me tho roz war
hotha hai!
American: o kaise?
Santa: Somwar. Mangalwar. Budhwar.

Wife:raat ko ghar me chor aaya or mujhe kiss karke chala gaya. Pati- tumne roka nahi? Wife- bhut kaha tha rukne ke liye, bola fir aaonga....

c

Pati- tumne roka nahi?
Wife- bhut kaha tha rukne ke liye, bola fir aaonga.....

Santa: Dr.Sahab 2 SalPehle Mujhe Bukhar Aya Tha

Santa: Dr.Sahab 2 SalPehle Mujhe Bukhar Aya Tha...
Dr:To Ab Kya Hua.



Santa: aap ne Nahane ko Mana Kiya Tha

Naha Lu?

Wife to husband:Uttho raat ke 2 baje he,

Wife to husband:Uttho raat ke 2 baje he,
Husband to wife:Itni raat ko q uthaya
Wife to husband:Aapne neend ki goli nahi li .

1 pathan ne jali note banaya orr

1 pathan ne jali note banaya orr Quaid-e-azam ki topi bhol gaya
Jab dukandar ko dia tou dukandar ne kaha:
Iski tou topi nahi hay.

Pathan Bola:
Ye Quaid-e-azam lala ki garmion ki tasveer hay...=P;->

GADHE ke samne 1 PAANI ki & 1 DARU ki balti rakhi'

GADHE ke samne 1 PAANI ki & 1 DARU ki balti rakhi'
GADHA Paani pi gaya.
Police ne sharabi se pucha- Tune is se kya sikha???


Sharabi- Jo DAARU nahi pita vo GADHA hai...

Raat ke 2 baje ek admi bahu ke kamre

Raat ke 2 baje ek admi bahu ke kamre
se nikla aur chala gaya.
Saas ne dekha lekin kuch na boli
Kyu…

Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!

Mukesh & Anil have been advised to take large doses of Hajmola!!

Mukesh & Anil have been advised to take large doses of Hajmola!!
Why???
?
?
?
Bcoz Hajmola guarantees to solve al ur GAS problems!! ;-)

santa & banta

Santa- Agar nariyal k ped pe chhad jaun to Engineering college ki ladkiyan dikh jaayengi??
Banta- Zaroor!! Aur haath chhod dega to medical college ki bhi dikh jaayengi.. ;-)

1 ladka apne gf k liye chudiya lekar jata he!

1 ladka apne gf k liye chudiya lekar jata he!
gf- khud hi pehnado
boy- mujhe kya pta tha itna acha response milega varna me kapde lekar ata

SHERU ARPITA SE BOLA -

SHERU ARPITA SE BOLA -

“BHAI AAJ TO CHAY PINE KA MAJA AA GAYA.”



ARPITA NE KAHA- “UNCLE JI, AGAR BILLI

NE DUDH ME MUH NA MARA HOTA TO AUR BHI MAJA AATA.”

Train me Santa ne apna trunk upar samaan rakhne

Train me Santa ne apna trunk upar samaan rakhne vali jagah par rakh diya. Neeche Gujarati Gujju baitha tha.

Gujarati Gujju: apna samman kahi aur rakho, mere sirr pe gir jaega

Santa: Koi baat nahi friend, iss me tutne vali koi cheez nahi hai.

Film Director to Actor: Tum ko 100 feet ki heigh

Film Director to Actor: Tum ko 100 feet ki height se swimming pool me jump lagana hai.

Actor: Par mere ko tairna nahi aata, mein doob jaunga.

Film Director: Don't worry, pool me paani nahi hai.

Saas: Bhagwan ne tumhe 2-2 aankhe di.

Saas: Bhagwan ne tumhe 2-2 aankhe di. Chawal me se 2-4 pathar nahi nikal sakti kya.

Bahu: Very funny! Bhagwan ne tumhe 32 daant diye 2-4 pathar bhi nahi chaba sakti ?

santa ne aag mai jalte hue makaan

santa ne aag mai jalte hue makaan se 7 logo ko baahar nikla lakin ab wo jail me hai kyun ?



kunki sabi 7 log FIREMEN they.

Patient:-doctor mujhe beemari

Patient:-doctor mujhe beemari hae khana na khau to bhuk lag jaati hae,jyada kaam karta hu to thakan lag jaati hae,der tak utha rahu to need aa jaati hae.Kya karu?
Doctor:-Raat bhar dhoop mae bhete raho sahi ho jaoge.

Hindi teacher asks-KAAL kitne prakar ke hote hai?

Hindi teacher asks-KAAL kitne prakar ke hote hai?
SANTA -7 prakar k
Local kaal, STD kaal, ISD kaal, Missed kaal,Receivd kaal, Dialled kaal and sasriy kaal,

srk ko audition mein ek ladki

srk ko audition mein ek ladki ne bhaiya kaha aur wo ladki film ke liye select ho gayi secrtry ne pucha apno usko select kyon kiya srk ne kaha pehli baar to kisi ne bhai kaha hai

PATIENT: Dr bahut patli aa rahi Hai.

PATIENT: Dr bahut patli aa rahi Hai.
DR: Kitni Patli
PATIENT: Bahut Patli
DR: Kitni patli
PATIENT : Itni patli ki SMS padnewala kulli kar le

Autowala to Bunty : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.

Autowala to Bunty : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.

Bunty : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!

Ek ladka achanak ladki ko dekh ke

Ek ladka achanak ladki ko dekh ke bola- Lafz tere geet mere! Gazal koi sunaun kya kya??
Ladki- Haath mere gaal tere! Kaan ke neeche bajaun kya???

santa-agar mere hath me sarkar ho to

santa-agar mere hath me sarkar ho to
me desh ki taqdir badel dunga.
wife-tum pehle apna pajama tobadal lo subha
se ulta pehn rakha hai.

Gabber: Aaj maine Basanti ko nahate hue dekha!

Gabber: Aaj maine Basanti ko nahate hue dekha!
Viru: Kutte, Kamine main tera khun pi jaunga.
Gabber: Haramkhor, me naha raha tha or Bansanti ja rahi thi !!

pujari ji ko dast lag gaye, wo doctor

pujari ji ko dast lag gaye, wo doctor k pas dawa lene gaye dr. ne dawa di to pujari ne puchha parhej kya karu? dr bola bas SHANKH jor se mat bajana....

Ek admi PATHAN ko mar raha tha

Ek admi PATHAN ko mar raha tha. Logon ne poocha k kyon mar rahay ho?
Wo bola: Sala ek ghantay se pooch raha hai… Ramzan ki jhandiyan kahan se milengi?

Allama Iqbal farmatay hain…

Allama Iqbal farmatay hain…
ooper se sab dekh raha hon Faraz ka haal iqbal,
Acha hi hua k mene koi asan shair nahi banaya

Ye badalti ratein, Ye doobtay arman

Ye badalti ratein, Ye doobtay arman
Ye jaltay diye, Ye bujhti shamaein
Ye kuch or nahi hai Faraz….

… Sirf K.E.S.C ka kamina pan hai

Ek Aadmi Ladies ward me admit ho gaya

Ek Aadmi Ladies ward me admit ho gaya.

Nurse:-
Tumko sharm nahi aati.

Aadmi bola:-
Sharm kaisi...!
Hum to Paida hi Ladies Ward me hue the.

Ladkiya sharab se itni nafrat kyun karti hai?

Ladkiya sharab se itni nafrat kyun karti hai?


Sohan: Kyun ki isko pine ke baad unke chue jaise pati shero jaise bartab karne lagte hai!!!
Ladkiya sharab se itni nafrat kyun karti hai?

Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.

Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki. Shivji khush hue . .Prakat hue . Bole..puttar maang maang.. kya chahiye tujhey ! Bakth utha ... bola shivji mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do! Shivji bole kaisa gadha hai? Unhone kaha puttar tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai.kuch bada maang ! Wo fir bola nahi ji mujhey to aap guitar hi do ! Shivji ne phir samajhaya abey kuch dhang ka maang! Par wo to ada hi hua tha. bola, nahi aap to mujhey guitar hi do! Shivji uskey pao main gir gaye bole yaar tu kuch aur maang. guitar na maang ..Wo bola nai nai nai !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye. Ab Shivji gussey main aa gaye ..boley , abey agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata phirta ???

sher ki baaraath mai ek chooha

sher ki baaraath mai ek chooha bahut naach raha tha... use dekh kar dulhe ka bhai ne poocha..."bhai tum yahaan kya kar rhae ho...aur tum ho kaun..."
choohe ne kahaa..."aaj mere yaar ki shaadi hai..."
is par sher..." bhai ye tho samajh mai nahi aayi.... sher ka yaar chooha kaise ho saktha hai..."
chooha..."mere bhai ..baath ye hai ki shaadi se pahale mai bhi sher hi tha"

Main 20 years old

Main 20 years old
Mr. M.Amir Rana
from Daska, Pakistan
Pakistan ka smart or zaheen tareen nojwan hai.
Mustaqbil mein
Prime Minister hoga.
“WIKILEAKS”
ka ek or inkeshaf

Kehtey hain ke Lahore Lahore hai,

Kehtey hain ke Lahore Lahore hai,
Pr Daska B uska shohar hai,

Agr Lahore me Larkian aam hain,
To Daska ke Larko ka B Naam hai,

Agr Lahori Larnay mei kum nhi,
To Peechy hatnay walay hum b nhi,

Agr Minar -E- Pakistan Lahore ka Nishan hai,
To Masjid Noor Ka Minar b Daska ki Pehchan hai,

Agr Lahore me Chireya Ghar hai,
To Daska me Cheema ki Nahar hai,

Agr Lahore ki ‘AnaarKali’ hai,
To Daska ka ‘Main Bazaar’ hai,

Agr Lahore me ‘Lakshmi chok’ hai,
To Daska me b ‘Fawara Chok’ hai,

Agr Lahore me ‘Bicon House’ hai,
To Daska me b “OxeFord” hai,

Agr Lahore me ‘Metro Center’ hai,
To Daska Me b “WALEED GIFT CENTER” hai,

Jitna bara Lahore hai,
Utna to Daska ka sirf College Road hai,

Agr koi Tumse kahay k khaak hai Daska,
To be Darhak BoL dena sub Shehron ka Baap hai *DASKA*

Meri Jaan Meri Pehchan hai “Daska”
Zillah Sialkot ki Shaan hai Daska

Pr Daska B uska shohar hai,

Agr Lahore me Larkian aam hain,
To Daska ke Larko ka B Naam hai,

Agr Lahori Larnay mei kum nhi,
To Peechy hatnay walay hum b nhi,

Agr Minar -E- Pakistan Lahore ka Nishan hai,
To Masjid Noor Ka Minar b Daska ki Pehchan hai,

Agr Lahore me Chireya Ghar hai,
To Daska me Cheema ki Nahar hai,

Agr Lahore ki ‘AnaarKali’ hai,
To Daska ka ‘Main Bazaar’ hai,

Agr Lahore me ‘Lakshmi chok’ hai,
To Daska me b ‘Fawara Chok’ hai,

Agr Lahore me ‘Bicon House’ hai,
To Daska me b “OxeFord” hai,

Agr Lahore me ‘Metro Center’ hai,
To Daska Me b “WALEED GIFT CENTER” hai,

Jitna bara Lahore hai,
Utna to Daska ka sirf College Road hai,

Agr koi Tumse kahay k khaak hai Daska,
To be Darhak BoL dena sub Shehron ka Baap hai *DASKA*

Meri Jaan Meri Pehchan hai “Daska”
Zillah Sialkot ki Shaan hai Daska

Jab Musharaf Pakistan Se Bhaag Sakta Hei

Jab Musharaf Pakistan Se Bhaag Sakta Hei
Zardari president bn skta he

Peshawar me 1 Din Phle Chand Nazr A Skta He
Pakistan Ireland Se Har Skta He

Pappu Pass ho Skta He
Munni bechaari badnam ho sakti hei

2 nain mast ho sakte hn
Pepsi pe 5 rupy km ho skty hn

Koi dekhe na dekhe shabir dekh skta he
Dadi umar ko awaz lga skti hn

Muojji babu ban skta h
To Phir Me kya aj
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New Year Wish Nai kar sakta?
HAPPY NEW YEAR in ADVANCE

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