Santa Singh and Banta Singh were walking

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were walking through the bazaar when they spotted Santa's girlfriend walking hand-in-hand with another guy. Santa just looks the other way and they walk on. Banta Singh was startled to see the easy way Santa Singh was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with someone else.
"What's wrong with you... this is the third time we've spotted her with another man and yet you don't do anything? You should have gone out and hit that man in the jaw!"
"I'm waiting," Santa said.
"Waiting for what?" asked Banta.
"Waiting to catch her with a smaller fellow."

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.While doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta.By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta's horse.At last Santa's horse had no legs left and banta's horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution , How to diffrenciate thier horses.So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and i will keep the white .

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back.

SantaSingh got up in the middle

SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.

"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven."

"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?" "No, this is eleven eleven."

"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."

"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye

Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal:
Who is India’s Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D: Amrish Puri?
Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
Amitabh: Sure?
Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
Amitabh: Confident?
Santa Singh: Yes
Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh: Yes.
Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh: Oye! ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!

Joke 7) Phone a Friend

Santa Singh after reaching 13th question:

Amitabh: apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne…
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bachchan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Mohd. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.
Amitabh: Apka kya jawab hai? (He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A)
But Santa is still confused.
Amitabh: Apke pas do life line hai… (50:50 and phone a friend)
Santa: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh: Not sure… Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa: I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer, 2 galat javabo ko mita de…
Computer:
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake but as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last lifeline phone a friend…
Amitabh: Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa: Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga…

Santa: Main ek baar jungle mein susu

Santa: Main ek baar jungle mein susu karne gaya toh waha per Sher tha.

Banta: Phir kya hua?

Santa: Maine Sher se kaha, “Pehle tum karlo, mera toh ho gaya hai.”

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.

Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,

Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!

Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.

Phone ki ganti baji.

Phone ki ganti baji.
Santa : Phone mere liye ho toh kehna mein ghar pe nahi hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo ghar pe hain.

Santa : Maine mana kiya tha ke…
Jasmeet : Phone mere liye tha!

Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar maine accha

Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon ne mujhe bohat mara!

Banta: Woh kya..

Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.

Banta: Toh logon ne kyun mara

Santa: Yaar, kyun ke woh sab log fire fighter thay!

Santa to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India ka

Santa to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India ka flag dikhao.

Shopkeeper ne flag dikhaya,
Santa: – Isme aur colour dikhao.

Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!

Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!

Wife: Kyun?

Santa: Doctor ne kaha hai, raat mein dawa khane ke baad shanti ke saath so jaana.

Banta mujra dekhne gaya,

Banta mujra dekhne gaya, Sari raat mujra dekhta raha

Bai: Saheb humne aap ko khush kiya, Ab aap hamein khush karo.

Toh banta utha aur khud nachne laga.

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet : “What are you searching for?”

Santa : “Hidden camera!”

Jasmeet : “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here?”

Santa : “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”

Banta class mein –

Banta class mein – madam maine “abc” yaad karli..
Madam -ok , to sunao..

Banta – abcdefghijklemnopqrstuvwxyz…..
Madam - arey aise nahi ….aise suna A for apple

Banta – ok madam…. A for apple.

B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.

H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple

V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X’mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge apple
Y for yun na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaraasa aur khaalo apple aur…

santa & banta

Santa meets his friend Banta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B…!

Banta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?

Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

Santa: Tu office mein toh bada sher

Santa: Tu office mein toh bada sher bana ghumta hai, ghar par kya ho jata hai?

Banta: Hota toh sher hi hoon par DURGA sawar ho jaati hai…

Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!

Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!

Wife: Kyun?

Santa: Doctor ne kaha hai, raat mein dawa khane ke baad shanti ke saath so jaana.

Santa sardi lagne se kamp raha tha

Santa sardi lagne se kamp raha tha. Uska beta doctor ko phone karta hai.

Doctor: Kya hua?

Son: Bimari ka to pata nahin par bapu subha se vibration mode pe laga hai.

Santa horse par ja raha tha.

Santa horse par ja raha tha.

Voh red light jump karta hai.

Police vala siti bajata hai.

Funny Santa ghode ki tail opar kar ke kehata hai: Le karle number note.

Santa ka baap UK se aya

Santa ka baap UK se aya

Baap-Teri maa kaha he?
Santa-Vo to mar gayi

Baap-Saale tune muje Bataya Q nahi?
Santa-Mene socha suirprize Du.