A blind man walks into a bar, taps the

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a Jatt joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm Jatt. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is Jatt. The bouncer is Jatt. The man sitting over to your left is also a Jatt. Still wanna tell that Jatt joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a Jatt joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm Jatt. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is Jatt. The bouncer is Jatt. The man sitting over to your left is also a Jatt. Still wanna tell that Jatt joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

A blind man walks into a bar,

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a Jatt joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm Jatt. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is Jatt. The bouncer is Jatt. The man sitting over to your left is also a Jatt. Still wanna tell that Jatt joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.

Sardarji goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.

It is 'U R STANDNG ON the OXGN TUBE!"

In a very small village, a man goes

In a very small village, a man goes to the village optician and tells him that he sees everything very small. The optician had only one hypermetric glasses left with him till he gets the new stock. Optician says please use them as much as you can. Anyway the man goes out of his shop and there is a fruit store. He indicates to the fresh fruits on a tray and asks " Eh naram je kharbooje da ki bha hai?
Fruit seller says"(e kharbooje nai angoor ne Bauji"

A Jatt is travelling in a DTC bus in Delhi.

A Jatt is travelling in a DTC bus in Delhi. It's a busy day and our Jatt is roughing it out, standing up in the aisle and all. In his
right hand is his briefcase (which appears to contain some valuables), with his left he is grabbing on to the railing for dear life.

The conductor approaches him for a ticket. The Jatt who doesn't have a free hand to pull out his wallet gives the conductor a helpless look. The conductor reaches out for the jatt's briefcase in an effort to help him out.

"nahin! tum upar pakdo" says the Jatt clutching onto his briefcase

She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.

She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears.

Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.

He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *AGAIN* barefeet!"

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec", says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

A sardarji photographer focusing

A man goes to local village doctor

A man goes to local village doctor
"Dactar sahib..mennu bare bhayanak je sapne ande ne..

"for example"doc said
"..mennu sapna anda he ki meri bivi, jado me so janda ya bahar janda, te o pajh ke kise hor aadmi nu milan jandi ha i"....or jado meri jag khuldi hai te o ghar vich hondi hai..dasso me ki kara - eh bhayanak jya sapna menu kha raha hai...

doctor said," bevkoofa..e sapna nai sach hai"

Kudiyon wich koi Sassi

Kudiyon wich koi Sassi Labda, Koi Labda Heer,
Assi ta yaaro Sahiba Labni, te kutne ohde Veer!!

Egotistical Harry was always

Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.

"I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."

"Batted .007," his wife added.

Our sardarji was filling up an

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes

A drunk man is wandering

A drunk man is wandering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into cars and feeling the roofs. The bouncer comes up to him. 'What the heck are you doing?!' he asks. 'I'm looking for my car and I can't find it!' the drunk replies. 'So how does feeling the roofs of these cars help?!' the bouncer asks. 'Well, my car has two blue lights, and a siren on the roof!' the drunk replies

Two dogs, Rubi and Moti

Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (its the barking sound) "Press the red
button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"

Ek paagal"oye kallu

Ek paagal"oye kallu tainu pata si mai taajmahal kharedne ja riya hu"

Dooja paagal:-"oye tallu aye jab mai bechanga tabhi toh tu kharedga"

There was a jatt in the middle of

There was a jatt in the middle of a corn field rowing a boat, when another jatt drove by. The blonde in the car got out and hollered to the other one, 'It's jatts like you that give the rest of us a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and teach you a lesson.'

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back.

A Jatt stormed up to the front desk

A Jatt stormed up to the front desk of the library of Panjab University at Ludhiana and said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, sir?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no story whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

JATT : Rabba je tu mainu 100Rs

JATT : Rabba je tu mainu 100Rs. deve ta mein 50Rs. guru ghar devaga .
Thodi door ja ke usnu 50Rs. labh jande hun te jatt kehnda hai : Wah oh rabba inna bhi bharosa nahi, aapne pehla hi katt laye...

Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban

Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!

A Sardar took an answering

A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai

A person went into the office kitchen one

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results put on two coats"

Sardarji gets ready, wears tie

Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, and sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.

Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

Sardarji gets ready, wears tie

Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, and sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.

Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

Sardar khali kadahi me chammach

Sardar khali kadahi me chammach chala raha tha to ek admi ne poocha kya bana rahe ho ?

Sardar- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..

Man: How was your exam today ?

Man: How was your exam today ?
Sardar: Fine, except for one question which was difficult
Man: Which one ?
Sardar: What is the past tense of THINK ? I thought...i
thought...i thought about it and wrote THUNK

Kala suit kali chunni, utte chitta

Kala suit kali chunni, utte chitta(white) phul kadai da,
ik ta saali koi kuri ni fasdi, dooja fikar kamaai da,
tu ta kanjra theek hi hona, haal das sadi bharjai da....!!!

A man asked sardarji, why

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied

''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

Sardarji was standing in front

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.

His wife asked what you are doing.

He said-I am seeing how i look while sleeping.

There were two Sardarjis Bantya

There were two Sardarjis Bantya and Santya as bombers. They
had to place a time bomb in order to explode a building. So
they were going on their destination in a car. On their way
Bantya asked Santya, "Santya what will happen if the time
bomb explodes in this car itself." Santya replied
"Don't worry, I have a spare one!!!!!

SantaSingh got up in the middle

SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.

"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven."

"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?" "No, this is eleven eleven."

"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."

"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

A man goes to local village doctor

A man goes to local village doctor
"Dactar sahib..mennu bare bhayanak je sapne ande ne..

"for example" doctor said
"..mennu sapna anda he ki meri bivi, jado me so janda ya bahar janda, te o pajh ke kise hor aadmi nu milan jandi hai..or jado meri jag khuldi hai te o ghar vich hondi hai..dasso me ki kara? eh bhayanak jya sapna menu kha raha hai..."

Doctor said," bevkoofa..e sapna nai sach hai"

K"jim 34@sdfr$ikmpo%abc" !

K"jim 34@sdfr$ikmpo%abc" !
56$ saderoplyt=21$pytr
qwe+76+56=1213$

LOKAN NU KUJH B BHEJO.....

PADAN TA INJH LAG JANDE NE JIVE MASHOOQ DA LOVE LETTER BHEJYAA HOVE....!!

Hahahahahaaaa.......

Our sardarji was filling up an application

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled
NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column
"Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes

Oh menu dekhi jaandi c

Oh menu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c
Na paper mainu aanda c, na paper ohnu aanda c

Man: Sardarji where were u born?

Man: Sardarji where were u born?

Sardarji: Punjab.

Man: Which part?

Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".

This sardarji goes to the see

This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "

A sardar sees lot of guys running

A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing

The bystander A Marathon race is going on

Sardar : What do they get from that?

Bystander : The winner will get a prize

Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

A theif stuck a pistol in a gentleman's ribs and

A theif stuck a pistol in a gentleman's ribs and
said, 'Give me your money.'
The gentleman shocked by the sudden attack said,
'You cannot do this, I am a Punjab Policeman.'
The thief said, 'In that case, give me my money.'

Ik din kuch punjabi gabroo कोठे

Ik din kuch punjabi gabroo kothe te chad ke galee di andi-jandi kudia nu ched de paye san.Jadoo ik garm mijaj di kudi de naal unnahe ne a harkat kiti te oh gusse vich bole "chappal la ke utey aawa"?
Eha sune ke ik gabroo bolya "koei gal nahi chappal payee-payee ajaao.Utey keda paath ho raya hai".

Sardarji opens his lunch box in

Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?

Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the
office

Ik wari america which ik market survey

Ik wari america which ik market survey company ne india which washing machine di sale ute survey kita. Ohna de survey de results te sub nu bari harani hoyi. Survey which uhna ne dasya ki washing
machine di sub to jayada sale punjab which hoyi he ate ehna nu kharidan wale GT Roda te dhabian (road side hotels) de malik ne.

Is sale the reason ohna ne dasya ke dhabe wale kehnde ne ki washing which bulk which lassi bahut wadiya bandi ate uhde naal pipe ( drainage hose ) wi lagya hoya jis de naal lassi aram de naal glass which we payi jaa sakdi he.

survey company ne india which washing machine di sale ute survey kita. Ohna de survey de results te sub nu bari harani hoyi. Survey which uhna ne dasya ki washing
machine di sub to jayada sale punjab which hoyi he ate ehna nu kharidan wale GT Roda te dhabian (road side hotels) de malik ne.

Is sale the reason ohna ne dasya ke dhabe wale kehnde ne ki washing which bulk which lassi bahut wadiya bandi ate uhde naal pipe ( drainage hose ) wi lagya hoya jis de naal lassi aram de naal glass which we payi jaa sakdi he.

Teacher : What is the chemical formulae of water ?

Teacher : What is the chemical formulae of water ?
Sardar : HIJKLMNO
Teacher : What are you talking about ?
Sardar : Yesterday you said it is H to O

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",

SARDAR Major: "Excellent ! We can now attack them in any direction" !.

A sardar was drawing money from

A sardar was drawing money from ATM, The sardar behind him in the line said,

"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password.

Its 4 asterisks (****).

The first sardar replies, Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong, Its 1258

A Teacher lecturing on population -

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up- We must find & stop her!.

There's a jatt driving on the highway.

There's a jatt driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''sardar ji, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''

Jatt says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

1ST SARDAR:YAAR ITNA BARA

1ST SARDAR:YAAR ITNA BARA AEROPLANE HOTA HAI YE IS KO PAINT KAISE KARTEIN HAIN.
2ND SARDAR:OOE PAGAL JAB AEROPLANE URTA HAI TO JAB BOHAT UPAR JA KAR CHOTA SA HO JAATA HAI NA TAB KARTEIN HAIN.

Sardarji proposes to a woman

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to
Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
and *again* barefeet!"

Sardarji is trying to commit

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

A dipper and a gora are sitting beside each

A dipper and a gora are sitting beside each other on a plane. It was a long flight to India so the gora said:"Let's play a game." The dipper said sure. The gora said let's play I spy. The dipper said sure. The gora started. He said I spy with my little eye something black. The dipper said suitcase? He was right. Then he said I spy with my little eye something that starts with the letter B. The gora looked hard for about ten minutes. Then finally he gave up .He said what was it. The dipper said look stupid gora "bindow"!

2 sardar talking during diwali

2 sardar talking during diwali

1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to pahle light dhekhai deti hai phir
awaz, aisa kyon ?
2nd: Kyonki hamari aankh aage hai aur kaan piche

LIFE TIPS Padhai kro, Kudi pichhe na mro .

LIFE TIPS
Padhai kro,
Kudi pichhe na mro .
Yaran naal na lro,
Jad b kro aish kro .
Rajj ke khaaoo,
Rajj ke peeoo .
Khull ke jiyo,
Maouj udaoo .
Bhangre paaoo,
Loga da sir khaaoo .
PEG LAAOO TE SO(SLEEP) JAAOO

Ik baar 1 kuri gali vich akeli jaa rahi si,

Ik baar 1 kuri gali vich akeli jaa rahi si, te usi waqt 1 munda sahmne to aa reha si, te fir dono bilkul kol aa gaye te munda side te ho geya, TE KUDI LUNG GAYI...!!

Lawyer to Sardar: Gita pe haath rakhkar

Lawyer to Sardar: Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke .....

Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath.

Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan

Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu keha si, Likh ke kyu nahi liyanda ?

Student: Ki karda masterr g, jidan he mein kutte te Pen rakhia oh paj geya! ! !

One sardarji professor asked a plumber

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.

U know Why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

A lady calls Sardar for repairing door bell.

A lady calls Sardar for repairing door bell.
Sardar does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again,
Sardar replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the
bell, but no one comes out.

Jatt: Mein tere 64 de 64 Dand Todd dene hai.

Jatt: Mein tere 64 de 64 Dand Todd dene hai.

Ik hor aadmi ne Keha beerjee 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.

Jatt: Meinu patta se Tu V bolega is laye Tere V Gin Laye ne...

Ik admi di janani bahut moti [mera matlab motto] si.

Ik admi di janani bahut moti [mera matlab motto] si. Ik din o station te vajan tolan vali machine te charhi.

Machine de vich sikka paya te ode vicho ik cheekh di awaj ayi te card bahar aya:
"Khotte de puttro - ik ik karke charho"

Ek baar ik banda gwandia de ghar

Ek baar ik banda gwandia de ghar manja lain gaya, gwandi kehnda yaar sade ghar 2 hi manje ne 1 te main te mera bappu 2je te meri gharwali te meri maa sonde ne,
oh banda kehnda tussi vi hadd kar di......., manja nahi dena na deo par soya ta tareeke nal karo...

Harry and Lloyd were speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A
police car pulled them over.
'You were going eighty!' ,the officer yelled.
'Why on earth were you driving so fast?'
'We have a good reason,' Lloyd explained to the
cop.
'Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there
before we had an accident!'

Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye

Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal:
Who is India’s Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D: Amrish Puri?
Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
Amitabh: Sure?
Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
Amitabh: Confident?
Santa Singh: Yes
Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh: Yes.
Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh: Oye! ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!

Joke 7) Phone a Friend

Santa Singh after reaching 13th question:

Amitabh: apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne…
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bachchan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Mohd. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.
Amitabh: Apka kya jawab hai? (He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A)
But Santa is still confused.
Amitabh: Apke pas do life line hai… (50:50 and phone a friend)
Santa: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh: Not sure… Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa: I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer, 2 galat javabo ko mita de…
Computer:
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake but as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last lifeline phone a friend…
Amitabh: Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa: Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga…

1 Bihari : 100 bimari

1 Bihari : 100 bimari
2 Bihari : ladai ki teyaari
3 Bihari : train hamari
4 Bihari : election ki teyaari
5 Bihari : sarkaar hamari
6 Bihari : punjab hi hamari

CHUK DE FATTA
Bhayia bhajaoo
PUNJAB bachaaoo

pledge of punjabi boys:-

pledge of punjabi boys:-
punjab is our nation
girls r in our meditation
dating is our occupation
drinking is our profession
every day is celebration
to hell with education
because CANADA is our dream destination...

Desi who falls at people's feet: Charan Singh

Desi who falls at people's feet: Charan Singh
Desi who falls at peopls' feet and stays there: Gir charan Singh
A gangster Punjabi Female: Hard Kaur
Punjabi who drinks only beer: Just-beer(Jasbir) Singh
Punjabi who has only one drink : Just-one (Jaswant) Singh
Punjabi who visits every temple: Har Mandir Singh
Punjabi Female's boyfriend: Her-Pal Singh

Ik adhami bus te chard reha

Ik adhami bus te chard reha aa te aage kurdiya ah jandiya ne
Oh kurdiya nu kehnda ke tusi pehlo chard jo mein badh
vich charda aa
Kurdiya chard jandiya ne te conductor kehnda aa "No
More"
Soch da aa koi gal ney mein agli bus te chard java ga
Dujhi bus aundi aa te pher kurdiya ah jandiya ne, te dubara oh kurdiya nu keh denda aa ke tusi pehlo chard jo, es vari vi conductor kehna aa "No More"
Pher agli bus ley udeekda aa
Jadho chardan laga aa te pher kurdiya ah janiya ne, te conductor pher ak da aa "No More"
Haar ke bandha kehnda aa "Sala morniya nu chardayi janda aa, jadh mor de vari aundi aa te kehnda aa NO MORE"

rifle dunali je mirze kol hondi, pichhe

rifle dunali je mirze kol hondi, pichhe Sehban de bhaiyan nu mor dinda,
sohni duban to pehla je phone kardi,Mahiwal ik kishti rod denda,
akal hundi te vech kuch Ranjha court marriage layi paise jod lainda,
khabar hundi je blocha de aaun di Punnu ret chhad Kulu Manali wal daud lainda

Ek baar ik aadmi upar se gir jata hai

Ek baar ik aadmi upar se gir jata hai aur behosh ho jata hai .
Doctor : yeh mar chuka hai .
Jab us aadmi ko shamshan ghaat le ja rahe hote hai to woh uthh ke bolta hai main zinda hoon, tabhi us ki wife bolti hai chup kar ke paijaa, tenu doctor nalo jiada pata....

Ladki valentine ko Archies Gallary me …..

Ladki valentine ko Archies Gallary me …..

Ladki : Aisa card hai jispe likha ho mein sirf tumse aur sirf tumse pyar karti hu!

Man : Mil jayega.

Ladki :2 darjan pack kar do.

Ek aadmi ne ek gawar naukar rakh liya

Ek aadmi ne ek gawar naukar rakh liya aur usse samjhaya ki kissi ke naam lene se pahle JEE laga diya kare.

Thori der baad naukar bhagta hua aya aur bola…

“Sahebji, sahebji kutte’ji’ ne murgi’ji’ ko pakar liya hai”

aur usse samjhaya ki kissi ke naam lene se pahle JEE laga diya kare.

Santa: Main ek baar jungle mein susu

Santa: Main ek baar jungle mein susu karne gaya toh waha per Sher tha.

Banta: Phir kya hua?

Santa: Maine Sher se kaha, “Pehle tum karlo, mera toh ho gaya hai.”

Saas: Khuda ne tumhe do aankhe di hai,

Saas: Khuda ne tumhe do aankhe di hai, Chawal se patthar nahi nikal sakti kya?

Bahu: Khuda ne tumhe battis daant diye hai do char 2-4 patthar nahi chabba sakti kya!!!

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.

Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,

Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!

Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.

Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu

Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.

Dushra dost usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?

Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai.

Ek police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.

Ek police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.

Wife: Utho ji, ghar mein chori ho rahi hai.

Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main iss time duty par nahi hoon.

Policeman: “Tumne bich road pe bus Kyun rok di?”

Policeman: “Tumne bich road pe bus Kyun rok di?”

Pathan: Hum seher mein naya aaya hai magar Kanoon nahi torta! Woh samne dekho likha hai “Bus Stop” Toh humne rok diya :p

Phone ki ganti baji.

Phone ki ganti baji.
Santa : Phone mere liye ho toh kehna mein ghar pe nahi hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo ghar pe hain.

Santa : Maine mana kiya tha ke…
Jasmeet : Phone mere liye tha!

Shaadi ke doosre din beti apni

Shaadi ke doosre din beti apni maa se: Meri unse ladai ho gayi!

Maa: Shadi mein jhagde toh hote rehte hai fikar mat karo.

Beti: Woh toh thik hai par ab “LAASH” ka kya karu?

Bania’s son: Daddy meri door ki nazar

Bania’s son: Daddy meri door ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banwa do.

Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Woh dekh kya hai?

Son: Suraj

Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.

Ek gora aadmi tha. Jab uska ladka paida

Ek gora aadmi tha. Jab uska ladka paida hua toh woh kala tha.

Tabhi woh apni patni ke paas jata hai aur poochta hai, “Yaar main bhi gora tha tum bhi gori thi to bachcha kaise kala paida ho gaya”

Aur phir uski biwi ne jawab diya, “Darling main bhi hot tum bhi hot sayad bachcha jal gaya hoga.”

k samay do bahut milne wale dost rahte thay.

k samay do bahut milne wale dost rahte thay. Lekin ek din ek dost ka maut ho gaya aur police investigate karne ke liye aaya aur uske dost ko sawal poochne laga…

Police: “Tumhara dost kaise mara?”

Sardar: “Pata nahi sahab, woh bola mere pet mein chuhe kud rahe hai toh maine usko chuha marne ki dawa khila di.”

Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?

Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Laaloo: No!

Bush:Tere se kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laaloo: Tujhe aati hai?

Bush:Haan!
Laaloo: Fir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…

Laloo to his P.A.: Itne khiladi kyun

Laloo to his P.A.: Itne khiladi kyun football ko laat maar rahe hai?

P.A.: Goal kar ne k liye.

Laloo: Susra, ball toh pahle se hi gol hai aur kitna gol karenge!

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.

Saheb: Kal aana. Kal

Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.

Boyfriend to Girlfriend: Darling main

Boyfriend to Girlfriend: Darling main tumse shaadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.

Girlfriend: Tumhare ghar mein kaun kaun hai?

Boyfriend: Ek biwi aur 3 bacche…

Mohan: Sohan, dekho yeh murde kitne

Mohan: Sohan, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hai.

Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai..!

One: Oye tera ek daant neela kyun ho gaya?

One: Oye tera ek daant neela kyun ho gaya?

Two: Yaar maine ink lagayi hai

.

One: Woh kyun.?

Two: Kyun ke aaj kal “bluetooth” ka zamana hai yaar…

Wife: Woh admi jo drink kar raha hai,

Wife: Woh admi jo drink kar raha hai, Usko maine 10 saal pehle shadi ke liye inkaar kia tha. Dekho who aaj tak sharab pee raha hai!

Husband: Wow! itni lambi celebration!

Ek aadmi apne dost ki kabar par

Ek aadmi apne dost ki kabar par phool daal raha hota hai.

Aur samne wale kabar mein bhi, ek aadmi apne dost ki kabar par chawal daal raha hota hai.

Pehla aadmi doosre se kehta hai, “Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab uthega?”

Doosra aadmi, “Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga.”

Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar maine accha

Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon ne mujhe bohat mara!

Banta: Woh kya..

Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.

Banta: Toh logon ne kyun mara

Santa: Yaar, kyun ke woh sab log fire fighter thay!

Wife: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye thay.

Wife: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye thay.

Husband: Kya bataoon, sab galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiya aayengi.

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiya aayengi.

Thambu : Wow, kya baat hai.

Pandit: Zyada khush honey ki baat nahi hai. Ek gharwali aur 5 betiya hai..

Gabbar : Kitne admi they?

Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2

Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.

Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata

Santa to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India ka

Santa to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India ka flag dikhao.

Shopkeeper ne flag dikhaya,
Santa: – Isme aur colour dikhao.

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

Nayi(new) doctor ne apni life ka pehla

Nayi(new) doctor ne apni life ka pehla operation kiya! Operation ki thodi der baad hi marij mar gaya!

Marij ke marne ke baad doctor ne diwar par tangi bhagwan ki taswir ki ore haath jodkar sir jhukate hue puri shradha ke saath kaha: Hey prabhu meri ore se yeh pehli bhet swikar kijiye!

Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!

Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!

Wife: Kyun?

Santa: Doctor ne kaha hai, raat mein dawa khane ke baad shanti ke saath so jaana.

Beta papa se: Papa main itna

Beta papa se: Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.

Papa thandi saans lete hue: Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon

Ek sharabi ne bahut zyada sharab pee le.

Ek sharabi ne bahut zyada sharab pee le. Jab woh ghar aaya to uss ne jeb se chabi nikali aur tala ko kholney laga.

Haath kaapne ke wajha se chabi kabhi idhar hat jati kabhi udhar hat jati, ek admi pass se guzra toh sharabi ne usey bataya ki tala nahi khul rahi hai.

Uss shaks ne sharabi ke pass ja kar kaha, “lao chabi tala main khol deta hoon”

Aur phir sharabee ne kaha, “Tala toh main hi kholonga bas tum makan ko pakar ke rakhna”

Mayawati came to Lalu’s house with a goat…

Mayawati came to Lalu’s house with a goat…
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun layi ho?

Maya : Dikhta nahi, goatwa hai.
Lalu : Hum goatwa se hi puch raha hu!!!

Officer: Dekho, humme aisa chaukidaar

Officer: Dekho, humme aisa chaukidaar chahiye jo sehatmand ho, chust, chalak aur chaukanna ho, jarurat parne par jisse hum daat bhi saake…

Yadi tumhare andar yeh saare guun shamil hai to tumhe yeh naukri mil sakti hai.

Umeedwaar : Saheb yeh saare gun meri biwi mein hai, usse bulau?

Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai

Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai, meri samajhdari ya meri beauty.

Husband: Mujhe toh yeh tumhari Majak karne ki aadat bahut achi lagti hai.

Pathan BLOOD Ke bare mein book parh raha tha

Pathan BLOOD Ke bare mein book parh raha tha

Wife: Aaj yeh book kyu parh rahe ho ji?

Pathan: Mujhe doctor ne kaha hai ke kal mera BLOOD test hai iss liye test ki tayari kar raha hoon.

Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar

Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada darwaje ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek budha aadmi aaya aur kaha:

Budha aadmi: Kya kar rahe ho beta?

Baccha: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hoon.

Budha aadmi (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, ab kya hai?

Baccha: Ab bhago!

Sardar: Mere podho ko pani de ramu.

Sardar: Mere podho ko pani de ramu.

Ramu: Sir barish gir rahi hai!

Sardar: Bahana nahi chahiae, chata leke ja…

Banta mujra dekhne gaya,

Banta mujra dekhne gaya, Sari raat mujra dekhta raha

Bai: Saheb humne aap ko khush kiya, Ab aap hamein khush karo.

Toh banta utha aur khud nachne laga.

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet : “What are you searching for?”

Santa : “Hidden camera!”

Jasmeet : “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here?”

Santa : “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”

A Sardarji went to toilet

A Sardarji went to toilet ten times within half-an-hour.

Somebody asked,“Sardarji aapko chain nahin hai kya?”

Sardar : Hai to sahi, par khul nahin rahi!

Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hai

Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hai. 10% interest ke hisab se woh 1 saal baad loan vapis karte hai. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?

Bania’s son: Kuch bhi nahi.

Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.

Banis’s son: Main toh maths janta hoon, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.

SARDAR :

SARDAR : Yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai, kya du?
2ND : Gold ring de de.

1ST : koi badi cheez bata.
2ND : M.R.F ka tyre de de.

Pathan: Life line 50/50

Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:

Q: What is you father name?

Pathan: Plz Options?

A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan

Pathan: Life line 50/50

A. Dilawar
C. Feroze

Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze

Pathan: I want to use My last life line “Phone a friend.”
Kisko call karengy?

Pathan: Apne baap dilawar ko!

One day James Bond goes to buy a pan.

One day James Bond goes to buy a pan. The pan walla asks him 4 Rs. for the pan but James Bond gives him only 1.5 rs.

When paan waala asks him for the rest of the money, Bond replies…??
Dhai(2.5) another day!

Ajit is watching cricket match of

Ajit is watching cricket match of India vs.Pakistan. Kapil is bowling and Imran is batting. Pakistan needs 18 runs in 3 balls.

Ajit : Rabert Kapil se kehna ek khatarnak Beemer daalde aur Imran ko out karde.

Rabert : Ok boss Robert goes to Kapil and tells the message.

Kapil nods and bowls but Imran hits it for a six!

Ajit : Rabert ab Kapil se kehna ek khatarnak Yorker daalde aur Imran kaa kaam tamam karde.

Sardar talking on cell.

Sardar talking on cell.
2nd Sardar : Kis se baat kar raho ho.
1st Sardar : Biwi se…

2nd Sardar : Itne… Pyaar se?
1st Sardar : Tumhari hai…

Banta class mein –

Banta class mein – madam maine “abc” yaad karli..
Madam -ok , to sunao..

Banta – abcdefghijklemnopqrstuvwxyz…..
Madam - arey aise nahi ….aise suna A for apple

Banta – ok madam…. A for apple.

B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.

H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple

V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X’mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge apple
Y for yun na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaraasa aur khaalo apple aur…

Anil road par nanga bhag raha tha.

Anil road par nanga bhag raha tha.

Sunil ne usse rok kar poocha: Arre bhai esa kyu kar rahe ho, kyu nanga bhag rahe ho, tumhe sharam nahi aati?

Anil: Kyu ki aaj tum jaldi ghar aagaye, Issi liye.

Husband: Tumse shaadi karke

Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek bahut bada faayda hua hai!

Wife: Woh kya?

Husband: Mujhe mere gunaaho ki saza jeete jee hi mil gayi!

Munna : Abay Circuit!

Munna : Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula k laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.

Circuit : Aey Bhai!!! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna : Bolay to meri fees bahut zyada hai.

Rabri : Ka karat ho?

Rabri : Ka karat ho?
Laalu : Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!

Rabri : Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu : Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

Lady Doctor: Tum roz subah

Lady Doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?

Santa: Ji, aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am .

Ek aadmi doosrey aadmi sey bola:

Ek aadmi doosrey aadmi sey bola:

“Bivi aur ghadi mey kya faraq hey?”

Doosra Aadmi bola:

“Ek bigarti hai to bandh ho jati hai……Doosari bigarti hai to “SHUROO” ho jati hai”

Lalu to Rabri:

Lalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki iss bag ke andar kya hai, toh sare eggs tumare, agar tum batao kitne eggs toh 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hai toh woh murgi bhi tumari.

Rabri: Lalu Ji, koi hint toh do na plz?

Teacher: Bade ho kar tum kya karoge?

Teacher: Bade ho kar tum kya karoge?
Student: Ji shaadi.

Teacher: Mera matalab, kya banoge?
Student: Ji dulha.

Teacher: Are, mera matlab hai, kya hasil karoge?
Student: Ji DULHAN.

Ek dost dusre dost se: “Kya, tumne

Ek dost dusre dost se: “Kya, tumne

A man and his wife were

A man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody.

The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge asked for his side of the story too.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and argued, “Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?”

Hai koi jawaab???

Girl of 1960 : Aye bahar hai…

Girl of 1960 : Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aja moray balma tera intezar hai.

Girl of 2007 : Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aje moray balma warna dusra tayyar hai.

Sardar : What is the name of your car?

Sardar : What is the name of your car?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

A policeman caught a Pathan

A policeman caught a Pathan driver stopping the bus at the road and began asking questions:

Policeman: “Tumne bich road pe bus Kyun rok di?”

Pathan: Hum seher mein naya aaya hai magar Kanoon nahi torta! Woh samne dekho likha hai “Bus Stop” Toh humne rok diya :p

Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek

Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek bahut bada faayda hua hai!

Wife: Woh kya?

Husband: Mujhe mere gunaaho ki saza jeete jee hi mil gayi!

Lady Doctor: Tum roz subah clinic

Lady Doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?

Santa: Ji, aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am .

Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe

Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe kangaal kar dega.

Friend2: Kyu?

Friend1: Baar baar dikhaata hai “Battery Low” ab tak 56 battery badal chuka hoon!

Ek ladki apny boy friend k sath nai

Ek ladki apny boy friend k sath nai car main long drive par ja rahi thi achanak ladki kehnay lagi, “suno ! kya tum ek haath se garri chala saktay ho ?”

“Kyun nahi” ,ladkay ne baday fakher se kaha.

Ladki ne aahista se kaha, “to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo.”

Ek aadmi bada dukhi tha!

Ek aadmi bada dukhi tha!

Ek dost ne uss se poocha, “Kyu, tension mein ho.”

Aadmi: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh rupeey diye thay, ab saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!

Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.

Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.

Postmaster: Bhai yeh postoffice hai. Ja ke policestation mein complaint likhao.

Husband: Kya karun…, khushi ke mare kuch samaj hi nahi aa raha…

Ek baar 3 fruits mein aapas mein baatcheet hotI

Ek baar 3 fruits mein aapas mein baatcheet hoti hai.

Apple: Mujhe toh sab dho ke aur kaat ke khaate hai.

Amrood: Tujhe kya mujhe bhi sab dho ke aur kaat ke khate hai.

Apple, chup chaap baithe banana se kehta hai tu chup kyu hai?

Banana : “Main kya kahu mujhe toh batate hue bhi saram aati hai, mujheh to sab log nanga karke khate hai.”

Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.

Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.

Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.

Customer: Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de.

Lalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki iss bag

Lalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki iss bag ke andar kya hai, toh sare eggs tumare, agar tum batao kitne eggs toh 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hai toh woh murgi bhi tumari.

Rabri: Lalu Ji, koi hint toh do na plz?

andar kya hai, toh sare eggs tumare, agar tum batao kitne eggs toh 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hai toh woh murgi bhi tumari.

Rabri: Lalu Ji, koi hint toh do na plz?

Circiut: Bhai, who apnay bachpan ka

Circiut: Bhai, who apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe.
Mera Sara chain collection apne kamray mein chupa do na please.

Munna bhai: Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?

Circiut: Nahin Bhai, woh apne chain pehchan lega.

Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe kangaal

Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe kangaal kar dega.

Friend2: Kyu?

Friend1: Baar baar dikhaata hai “Battery Low” ab tak 56 battery badal chuka hoon!

santa & banta

Santa meets his friend Banta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B…!

Banta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?

Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

Boy : Jaan-e-man… ees dil me aaja na!

Boy : Jaan-e-man… ees dil me aaja na!

Girl : Sandal nikalu kya?

Boy : Pagli, yeh mandir nahi… aise hi aaja!!

Shaadi ke doosre din beti apni maa se

Shaadi ke doosre din beti apni maa se: Meri unse ladai ho gayi!

Maa: Shadi mein jhagde toh hote rehte hai fikar mat karo.

Beti: Woh toh thik hai par ab “LAASH” ka kya karu?

Anil road par nanga bhag raha tha.

Anil road par nanga bhag raha tha.

Sunil ne usse rok kar poocha: Arre bhai esa kyu kar rahe ho, kyu nanga bhag rahe ho, tumhe sharam nahi aati?

Anil: Kyu ki aaj tum jaldi ghar aagaye, Issi liye.

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.

Somebody stops him and asks, kya hai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?

Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun

Girl : If you will try to kiss me main shor macha

Girl : If you will try to kiss me main shor macha dungi

Boy : Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl : I know per formality to karni hi padegi.

Sardar : O banno car ki speed itni kyon badha di?

Sardar : O banno car ki speed itni kyon badha di?

Banno : Oji car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehle ghar pahunch jaate hain….!

Santa: Tu office mein toh bada sher

Santa: Tu office mein toh bada sher bana ghumta hai, ghar par kya ho jata hai?

Banta: Hota toh sher hi hoon par DURGA sawar ho jaati hai…

Ek gora aadmi tha.

Ek gora aadmi tha.

Ek gora aadmi tha.

Ek gora aadmi tha. Jab uska ladka paida hua toh woh kala tha.

Tabhi woh apni patni ke paas jata hai aur poochta hai, “Yaar main bhi gora tha tum bhi gori thi to bachcha kaise kala paida ho gaya”

Aur phir uski biwi ne jawab diya, “Darling main bhi hot tum bhi hot sayad bachcha jal gaya hoga.”

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiya aayengi.

Thambu : Wow, kya baat hai.

Pandit: Zyada khush honey ki baat nahi hai. Ek gharwali aur 5 betiya hai..

Submitted by: Lara

Pappu ek party mein gaya aur

Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.

Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, “Hey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!”

Teacher to a student:

Teacher to a student: “Ess line ki english banao- Usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gaya.”

Student – He done his work and done-dana-dan done-dana-dan.

Question: Dhoni asks Rohit to bring a Pepsi.

Question: Dhoni asks Rohit to bring a Pepsi. Rohit brings the bottle, but takes it directly to Shewag. Why?
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Lady Doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar

Lady Doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?

Santa: Ji, aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am .

Delhi se Mughalsarai jaanewali ek train mein kuch

Delhi se Mughalsarai jaanewali ek train mein kuch budhyijibi type ke log sawar thy..

Woh log jor jorse antarrashtriya stor ke batien kar rahe thhe.

Upar ke birth par so rahe ek brahmin ko bahut pareshani ho rahi thhi.

Batien karte karte ek sajjan bole, “pahle punjibaad aya, fir samyabaad aur aab samajbaad ayega.”

Tabhi upar se woh vyakti chillaya, “bhaisaab jab Ilahabaad aye to mujhe thora jaga dena!!!”

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.

Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,

Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!

Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.

A Sardarji went to toilet

A Sardarji went to toilet ten

A Sardarji went to toilet ten

A Sardarji went to toilet ten times within half-an-hour.

Somebody asked,“Sardarji aapko chain nahin hai kya?”

Sardar : Hai to sahi, par khul nahin rahi!

Bhola: Itne kum marks?

Bhola: Itne kum marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine oos master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Teacher : ‘A’ for?

Teacher : ‘A’ for?
Student : Apple !!!

Teacher : Jor se bolo…
Student : JAI MATA DI

Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.

Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.

Postmaster: Bhai yeh postoffice hai. Ja ke policestation mein complaint likhao.

Husband: Kya karun…, khushi ke mare kuch samaj hi nahi aa raha…

Doctor ek patient ke pichhe bhag raha tha…

Doctor ek patient ke pichhe bhag raha tha… Ek aadmi ne puchha kya hua?

Doctor : Are yaar char bar aisa hua hai sala brain ka operation karwana aata hai aur baal katwake chala jata hai.

Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya,

Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.

Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky ne socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss ne kis naam se save kya hai?

Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.

Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha “Murgha No.5? Calling”

Newly married wife husband se:

Newly married wife husband se: Tumne apne doston se yeh kyun kaha ki mujhe bahut accha khana banana aata hai.

Husband: Ab tumse shaadi karne ki koi wajah toh mujhe batani hi thi.

Ek sharabi ne bahut zyada sharab pee le.

Ek sharabi ne bahut zyada sharab pee le. Jab woh ghar aaya to uss ne jeb se chabi nikali aur tala ko kholney laga.

Haath kaapne ke wajha se chabi kabhi idhar hat jati kabhi udhar hat jati, ek admi pass se guzra toh sharabi ne usey bataya ki tala nahi khul rahi hai.

Uss shaks ne sharabi ke pass ja kar kaha, “lao chabi tala main khol deta hoon”

Aur phir sharabee ne kaha, “Tala toh main hi kholonga bas tum makan ko pakar ke rakhna”

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT : Ticket hai?

Sadhu : Nahin
TT : Chalo
Sadhu : Kahan?
TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.

Somebody stops him and asks, kya hai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?

Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun

the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.

Somebody stops him and asks, kya hai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?

Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun

Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne

Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.

Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, “Hey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!”

Chhote: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!

Chhote: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!

Bade: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.

Chhote: Kya naam hai uska?

Bade: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha “CHAALU KHAATA”

Bhola: Itne kum marks?

Bhola: Itne kum marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine oos master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya,

Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.

Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky ne socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss ne kis naam se save kya hai?

Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.

Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha “Murgha No.5? Calling”.

Officer: Dekho, humme aisa chaukidaar

Officer: Dekho, humme aisa chaukidaar chahiye jo sehatmand ho, chust, chalak aur chaukanna ho, jarurat parne par jisse hum daat bhi saake…

Yadi tumhare andar yeh saare guun shamil hai to tumhe yeh naukri mil sakti hai.

Umeedwaar : Saheb yeh saare gun meri biwi mein hai, usse bulau?

Beta papa se: Papa main itna bada kab

Beta papa se: Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.

Papa thandi saans lete hue: Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.

Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!

Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!

Wife: Kyun?

Santa: Doctor ne kaha hai, raat mein dawa khane ke baad shanti ke saath so jaana.

Research ke mutabiq larkian larkon

Research ke mutabiq larkian larkon se zyada mehnati hoti hai
Aapko pata hai kaise??
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Nahi pata
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Main bata deta hoon aapko

Research ke mutabiq larkian larkon

Research ke mutabiq larkian larkon se zyada mehnati hoti hai
Aapko pata hai kaise??
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-
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Nahi pata
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Main bata deta hoon aapko

Santa to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India

Santa to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India ka flag dikhao.

Shopkeeper ne flag dikhaya,
Santa: – Isme aur colour dikhao.

Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai,

Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai, meri samajhdari ya meri beauty.

Husband: Mujhe toh yeh tumhari Majak karne ki aadat bahut achi lagti hai.

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

Ek baar 3 fruits mein aapas mein

Ek baar 3 fruits mein aapas mein baatcheet hoti hai.

Apple: Mujhe toh sab dho ke aur kaat ke khaate hai.

Amrood: Tujhe kya mujhe bhi sab dho ke aur kaat ke khate hai.

Apple, chup chaap baithe banana se kehta hai tu chup kyu hai?

Banana : “Main kya kahu mujhe toh batate hue bhi saram aati hai, mujheh to sab log nanga karke khate hai.”

Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko

Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.

Dushra dost usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?

Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai.

Ek ladke ne jockey ka underwear kharida.

Ek ladke ne jockey ka underwear kharida. 2 din bad woh gaon chala gaya.

Waha usne apni dhoti upar karke sabko dikhaya.

Baad mein ghar pahuncha toh pata chala ki underwear toh chair par para tha!!!

Patni: Suno ji mere saath tumhare

Patni: Suno ji mere saath tumhare dus saal kaise beete?

Pati: Ek second ki tarah.

Patni: Agar main tumse 10000 rs mangu toh kaisa lagega?

Pati: Chavnni ki tarah.

Patni: Jara 10000 rs dena toh

Pati: Abhi deta hu ek second mein

Ek ladki apny boy friend ke saath nayi

Ek ladki apny boy friend ke saath nayi garri main long drive per jaa rahi thi achanak raastey mein larki kehnay lagi…..“suno ! kya tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho?”

Kyu nahi.. ladke ne bade fakher se garden akraaii…

Aur phir larki ne aahista se kaha, “Toh phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf karlo”

Girl of 1960 : Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai…

Girl of 1960 : Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aja moray balma tera intezar hai.

Girl of 2007 : Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aje moray balma warna dusra tayyar hai.

Rabri : Ka karat ho?

Rabri : Ka karat ho?
Laalu : Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!

Rabri : Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu : Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

Police: Tumhe kal subah

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.

Sardar: Ha ha ha!

Police: Kyu hass rahe ho?

Sardar: Main toh subah 8 baje tak sota hoon!

Wife : Aji suniye, mujhe kisi mehengi

Wife

: Aji suniye, mujhe kisi mehengi jaga le ke chaliye na ji….

Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao…

Guess where he took her….
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…..
….
…
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.

Petrol pump!!!

Ek ladki apny boy friend k sath nai

Ek ladki apny boy friend k sath nai car main long drive par ja rahi thi achanak ladki kehnay lagi, “suno ! kya tum ek haath se garri chala saktay ho ?”

“Kyun nahi” ,ladkay ne baday fakher se kaha.

Ladki ne aahista se kaha, “to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo.”

Circiut: Bhai, who apnay bachpan

Circiut: Bhai, who apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe.
Mera Sara chain collection apne kamray mein chupa do na please.

Munna bhai: Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?

Circiut: Nahin Bhai, woh apne chain pehchan lega.

Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai,

Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai, meri samajhdari ya meri beauty.

Husband: Mujhe toh yeh tumhari Majak karne ki aadat bahut achi lagti hai.

Teacher : ‘A’ for?

Teacher : ‘A’ for?
Student : Apple !!!

Teacher : Jor se bolo…
Student : JAI MATA DI

Girl : Mujhe badi thand lag rahi hai,

Girl : Mujhe badi thand lag rahi hai, mere dono heater ko chhu lo
Boy: Abhi bhi thand lag rahi hai kya?
Girl: abbey ghochu niche plug tau lagaa

Doctor ek patient ke pichhe bhag raha tha…

Doctor ek patient ke pichhe bhag raha tha… Ek aadmi ne puchha kya hua?

Doctor : Are yaar char bar aisa hua hai sala brain ka operation karwana aata hai aur baal katwake chala jata hai.

Laloo to his P.A.: Itne khiladi kyun

Laloo to his P.A.: Itne khiladi kyun football ko laat maar rahe hai?

P.A.: Goal kar ne k liye.

Laloo: Susra, ball toh pahle se hi gol hai aur kitna gol karenge!

Phone ki ganti baji.

Phone ki ganti baji.
Santa : Phone mere liye ho toh kehna mein ghar pe nahi hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo ghar pe hain.

Santa : Maine mana kiya tha ke…
Jasmeet : Phone mere liye tha!

Ek baar ek terrorist ne Ritu ke ghar

Ek baar ek terrorist ne Ritu ke ghar mein bomb rakh diya.

Log chillaye : Ritu bomb hai, Ritu bomb hai.

Ritu sambhal kar boli : Dhatt teri ki, woh toh mein jawani mein thi !! Ab nahi rahi.

Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya.

Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha “Tijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.”

Jate jate chor seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.

Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.

Sardar: Ha ha ha!

Police: Kyu hass rahe ho?

Sardar: Main toh subah 8 baje tak sota hoon!

Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha “Tijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.”

Jate jate chor seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!