ek dafa ek admi apnay eleven

ek dafa ek admi apnay eleven (11) bachon kay sath zoo main jata hai. jab wo zoo main pohanchtay hain 2 wo admi wahan kay guard say kehta hai:
bhai meray bachon nay kabhi zarafa (giraff) nahin dhaikha hamain oos kay pass lay chalo.
wo guard pehlay oos kay 11 bachon ko dhekhta hai or phir pochta hai:
kiya yeh 11 kay 11 bachay aap kay hain.
wo admi kehta hai:
han marey hi hain.
to wo guard kehta hai:
aap yahin tashreef rakhyeh zaNDIJOKESArafa khood aap ko dhekhnay aay ga.

Doctor: Mrs Malik app kay leay khushi ki khabar

Doctor: Mrs Malik app kay leay khushi ki khabar hay.
Lady: main Mrs Malik nahi sirf Ms. Malik hoon
Doctor: phir app kay leay bori khabar hay.

aray samajh agia tu hansta keon nahi....

Doctor: is waqt ya andaza lagana

Doctor: is waqt ya andaza lagana kay app ko koon si bemari hay zara mushkil hay meray khayal main ya nashay ki waja say hay.

Mareez: Theek hay doctor sahib main ab us waqt aoon ga jab app nashay main nahi hoongay.

AIK POLICE INSPECTER APNI

AIK POLICE INSPECTER APNI BARAT WALI CAR MAIN BETHA LARKI WALOON KI TARAF JARAHA THA PECHAY BARATIAN KI BUS ARAHEE THE .................... POLICE INSPECTER NAY APNAY SATHI KO CALL KAR KAY KAHA KAY AIK BUS HUMARA BARI DAIR SAY PECHA KAR RAHEE HAY ISAY ROOK KAY CHECK KAROO

1 INDIAN FUJI APNI MAAN

1 INDIAN FUJI APNI MAAN KO 1965 KAY JANG KI GOLA BARI KAY BARAY MAIN BATA RAHA THA TU US KI MAAN BOLI BETA TUM BHAG KAR DARAKHT (TREE) PAR CHAR JATAY TU FUJI BOLA AMAAN DARAKHT PEHLAY HI OFFICERS KAY LEAY KAM PAR GAEE THAY

Aik aadmi jungle se guzar raha tha

Aik aadmi jungle se guzar raha tha
A Churail stops him & says:
Hoo Hoo Haa Ha Ha, mai Churail hoon,
Aadmi:janta hoon, teri 1 behan mere ghar main hai.

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

A judge irritated by a lawyer's behaviou

A judge irritated by a lawyer's behaviour, admonished him,
"You are crossing the limits."

"Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai," roared the lawyer.

"How dare you call me saala ? I'll have you charged for
'contempt of court'," said the judge angrily.

"My lord misunderstood me," replied the lawyer coolly, "I do not
call you saala, all I said was kaun sa law aisa kehta hai...

Delhi’se Mughalsarai jaanewali ek train

Delhi’se Mughalsarai jaanewali ek train mein kuchh budhyijibi type ke log sawar thhe..woh log jor jorse antarrashtriya stor ke batien kar rahe thhe…

upar ke birth par so rahe ek gramin ko bahut pareshani ho rahi thhi….

batien karte karte ek sajjan bole…�pahle punjibaad aya,fir samyabaad aur aab samajbaad ayega..�

tabhi upar se woh vyakti chillaya…bhaisaab jab Ilahabaad aye to mujhe thora jaga dena…�

Admi ki car k sath popat takra

Admi ki car k sath popat takra k behosh ho gaya.
Admi popat ko ghar le gaya pinjre me rakha diya.
Popat jag k bola AILA JAIL?
DRIVER MAR GAYA KYA ?

Kiya aapke pass hai ??

Kiya aapke pass hai ?? SULAGTA JISM, Kap-kapaate hont, Thartharata badan, Lad khadati awaaz, Nashilee aankhen ? Agar hai to aap MALARIA se peedit hai ......

Main bewakoof

Main bewakoof
main bewakoof, main bewakoof
main bewakoof
main bewakoof, main bewakoof
main bewakoof...

AAHISTE BOLO...yahan tak awaaz aa rahi hai..

Pandit beti ki shaadi ke liye 24

Pandit beti ki shaadi ke liye 24 saal ka ladka dekhne england giya,
wahan se apni biwi ko phone kiya 24 saal ka koi munda nahi milyaa, 12-12 de do chalangey ?

Laloo goes to america for learning english

Laloo goes to america for learning english.
After some days George Bush calls the Rabri Devi & told her
" E sasoora angrji naahi seekh sakat hai."

Imraan Hashmi Ne Apni

Imraan Hashmi Ne Apni Girlfriend Ko Pehle Apna AASHIQ BANAYA Phir Usne CHOCOLATE Main ZEHER Milakar Uska MURDER Karvaya.Girlfriend Ne Uske AKSAR Khwaab Me Aakar Kaha TUM SA NAHI DEKHA To Imraan Hashmi Ne Kaha Is KALYUG Me JAWANI DIWANI Hai.

Teacher:Bachon wada kro kabhi sharab

Teacher:Bachon wada kro kabhi sharab,cigrette nahi piyo ge
Bachey:Nahi piyenge
Teacher:Girls ka peecha nai karoge
Bachey:Nahi karenge
Teacher:Unn par awaaze nai kaso ge
Bachey: nahi kasenge
Teacher:Watan par zindigi qurbaan karo ge
Bachey:Kardenge,aesi zindigi ka karna bhi kya hai..

A 60 years old bachelor advertises his

A 60 years old bachelor advertises his Zaoorat-e-rishta
after a month he got a letter
"mian sahib" iss umar mein RISHTA nahi FARISHTAY aata hein.

Patient: Doctor please help me,

Patient: Doctor please help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.

Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?

Patient: Phone per.

Husband aur wife hotel me gaye tabhi

Husband aur wife hotel me gaye tabhi 1 lady ne Hello kiya,

Wife- koun thi wo?

Hus-Tum dimag kharab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshan hu ki woh bhi Yehi puchegi.

Child: Mom is bar saray patakhay hum

Child: Mom is bar saray patakhay hum is shop say lain gay,
Mom: Beta yeh tu girls hostel hai,
Child: Papa tu kahtay hain k sari phuljhariyan yahin rahti hain.

EK UNPARE(ILLETERATE) CONDUCTER SE:

EK UNPARE(ILLETERATE) CONDUCTER SE: GAREE MAI JAGA HAI. COND: HA EK ADMEE KEE. SAWAREE: LEKEN MERE PASS DO LADIES B HAI.
COND: TUM BETOO MAI LADIES KO OPPER BAND LOANGA

Ek jungle mein chuhay se sab

Ek jungle mein chuhay se sab dartey the, agar sher us k samnay aa jata to dar kar bhaag jaata, haathi bhi kahin chup jata, aas paas k log yeh dekh kar preshaan huay or kaha aakhir kia maajra hai, pata chala chuha MQM mein tha.

What did shivaji say to bruce lee

What did shivaji say to bruce lee when he met him?
" tu karate main marathe".

Ek baar ek Totaa (Bole to Parrot ) Ud

Ek baar ek Totaa (Bole to Parrot ) Ud Raha tha full speed par ....

Uske Saamne full speed me ek Ferrari aa rahi thi ...

Dono ki takkar hui ...

Tota Behosh ...

Raste me Ek Beggar tha

Usne Tote ko uthaya aur Ghar le gaya ...

Usko Marham lagaya ..

Aur Pinjare me rakh diya ...

Jab Tote ko hosh aaya ...

Usne apne aap ko Pinjare me dekha ...

Bola ...

"AAILA ... JAIL .... Kya woh Ferrari ka Driver mar gaya kya ??

Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar

Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN

3 Dost saath mein bethay hotay hain...

3 Dost saath mein bethay hotay hain...

1st one" yaar main itni garam chaye(tea) peeta hoon k jaisay hee ketlee say cup say nikalti hai mein peejata hoon"

2nd one" yeh konsi bari baat hai mein to ketlee mein he tyaar ker k ketlee mein hee peejata hoon "

3rd one" uhh.. yeh konsi bari baat hai main to moon(mouth) mein doodh, patee aur cheenee(sugar) daltaa hoon aur choolhay(gas burner) per beth jaata hoon..."

ek machaar our makki main pyar ho gya

ek machaar our makki main pyar ho gya
dono ki mohabbat hadse bhi jyada badh gai aur dono shadi kar lete hai
shadi ke frist night ko machaar apne dosto k sath 12:00 baje tak baitta raha

to dost bolte ja teri bibi tera intezar kar rahi hogi to machaar sida apne ghar jata hai aur phir apne dosto k pas ata to dost puchte hai: kya hua? phir kyun vapis agya?

to machar us baat ka javab nahi deta our us k dost gaalea dete

phir apne ghar jata our phir dosto ke pass aata hai to phir puchte kyun agya

to machaar kaheta hai ki makhi ALLOUT lagakar soye hui hai

An old rich man marries a young gal.

An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?
Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.

Ganguly’s Son: Yeh Kya,

Ganguly’s Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Ganguly’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !

Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki

Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne candle jala di aur bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to plz candle bujha dena

Ek baccha bus mein bus driver

Ek baccha bus mein bus driver ki peeche vaali seat mein betha aur apnay aap sey bolna shuru hogaya:
"agar mera baap billi aur ma chipkali hoti to mein ek half lizard half billi hota".
bus driver ne pehelay ussay bardaasht kiya.
baccha dobara bola: "agar meri maa dinosaur aur baap choonti hota to mein half choonti half dinosaur hota."
iss tarha baccha bolta gaya , bolta gaya.
yahaan tak ke bus driver ney bus rok dee aur bacchay se poocha:
"agar tera baap ghunda hota aur maa nautanki hoti to phir tu kiya hota???
bachay ne javaab diya: BUS DRIVER

EK GANJE KE SIR PAR DO BAAL THE

EK GANJE KE SIR PAR DO BAAL THE
PEHLE BAAL NE DUSRE SE KAHA KI:- CHALO HUM DONO SHADI KARLE AUR DHEERE DHEERE SAARE BAAL KO PAIDA KARE .DUSRE BAAL NE KAHA KI:-SORRY DARLING BAAL VIVAH NOT ALLOWED .........

Aik aadmi bass mein jagah na hone

Aik aadmi bass mein jagah na hone ki wajah se bus ke darwaaze se latakk raha hota hai.signal stop hone parr aik bhikaari uss ki qameez pakar karr kehta hai Allah ke naam parr 10 Rupey de do.."Allah tumhain jannat main jagahh de ghaa"!!
Aadmi bolta hai O Baba Buss main to jagahh mill nahi rahhi janaat main kahaan mille ghi!!!

Mother: beta bohat raat ho gaee hay tum

Mother: beta bohat raat ho gaee hay tum kotay par kia kar rahay hoo....

Son: mama chand dekh raha hoon ....

Mother: beta raat bohat ho gaee hay tum bhi nechay ajaoo aur chand ko kahoo kay ghar chalee jay

1 Pandit puri jindgi sochta raha,

1 Pandit puri jindgi sochta raha,
Sochta raha
Sochta raha
Sochta raha
Aur sochte sochte hi mar gaya ki agar meri behan ke 2 bhai hai to mera 1 kaise...

Bhola ke bagiche me bahut pedh the

Bhola ke bagiche me bahut pedh the. Bhola ne naukar se bola pedho ko pani dal.
Naukar bola "sahib barish ho rahi hai"
Bhola : are budhu chatri pakdke dal na"

Ek ladka ladki dekhne gaya...

Ek ladka ladki dekhne gaya...

Both are in a room for 10 minutes to talk each other...

Ladki (Darte hue) : Bhaiya aap kitne bhai bahen hain?

Ladka : Abhi tak to 3 the..lekin ab 4 ho gaye.

1 FRIEND: tumhay maloom

1 FRIEND: tumhay maloom hay aisa insaan ko bohat saray log kis name say jantay hain jo KHANDANI MANSOOBA BANDI par amal nahi kartay

2 FRIEND: kis name say .... ?

1 FRIEND: DADDY

Ek Sharabi Nashe men Tun

Ek Sharabi Nashe men Tun hokar jarha tha to peche se ek Tange wala Aya, us ne kaha, hat jao hat jao, Sharabi hat gaya or side per ek ghar k darwazey k sahare khara hogaya, wahan us ko neend aa gae. subha ghar k malik ne darwaza khola to sharabi neche gir gaya, aor chilatey howey bola, yar itna to side deya tha, phir bhee takar mar di.

Pujari ko loosemotion lag gaye,

Pujari ko loosemotion lag gaye, to woh doctor ke pass dawai lene challa giya, doctor ne dawai di to pujari ne poocha, doctor sahib PARHEJ kya karu ?
Doctor bola : bas SHANKH jor se mat bajana ...

Rabri : Ka karat ho?

Rabri : Ka karat ho?
Laalu : Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!
Rabri : Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu : Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

Nepolian ek person ko bade garv

Nepolian ek person ko bade garv se kehata hai : Mere dictionary mein impossible word hi nahi hai.
Person bolata hai : To pahele hi acchi tarah se dekh lene ka na sab word hai ke nahi, aage se word rahenge wohi dictionary le.

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar।The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar !"

WO KIA DIN THAY JAB HUM JIN THAY

WO KIA DIN THAY JAB HUM JIN THAY

AB HUM DEO HAIN JINOON KAY PEO HAIN

Jise samjha lehar pepsi, woh nikli zehar pepsi .

Jise samjha lehar pepsi, woh nikli zehar pepsi .
Jise samjha coca cola, woh nikla dhokha cola .
Is liye aaj ke baad no more SOFT DRINKS, only WHISKY - kabhi na risky...

Mandir mein ek aadmi, Ram ki moorti ke

Mandir mein ek aadmi, Ram ki moorti ke aage jor jor se ron laag rya tha. Saath khade Tau ne poochya, "Re bhai ke baat se, kyon itta rove se?"
Voh aadmi bolya "Meri lugai ghar chhod ke bhaaj gayi."

Tau bolya, "To bawli booch iske aage ke tesu bahan lag rya. Iski to khud kho gii thi, Hanuman ke pass ja, wohe toh ke laya tha!"

Ek kanjoos ka beta apni girl friend

Ek kanjoos ka beta apni girl friend ke sath bahar ghum ke ghar vapis aaya to kanjoos baap ne poocha :-
Kanjoos baap :kitne paise kharche ?
beta : 50
kanjoos baap : (in anger) 50 Rs
beta : papa kya karta uske pass 50 hi the .

aik adimi ne apni wife ko khat likha"

aik adimi ne apni wife ko khat likha"is mahene salary k badley 100 kiss bhej raha hoon.

wife ne jawab diya "app ki salray k badley 100 kiss miley,hisaab bhej rahi hoon.
1.doodh wala 2 kiss mea maan giya
2.teacher ko 7 kiss deni pari,
3.sabzi wala 7 kiss mea nahi maana isliye 9 deni pari.
4makaan malik to rooz 6-7 kiss le jata hay.
app fiker nahi kerna,mere pass abhi lag bhag 30,40 kiss or hain.MAHINA ARAM SE KAT JAEY GA

What is the Similarity Between

What is the Similarity Between a Dianasour and an Intelligent Girl?

Dono ab iss Duniya Mein Nahi Rahe..!!

AIK ADMI LANGRAATA HOA AATA

AIK ADMI LANGRAATA HOA AATA HAY USSE DEKH KAR DO DOCTOR AAPAS MAY
JHAGAR TEAN HAY AIK KEHTA HAY K US KI HADDI TOTH GAI HAI DOSRA BOLTA HAI K
NAHI US KA ANGOTHA NIKAL GAYA HAI DONOON ME KAFI BEHAS HO RAHI HOTI HAI TO
TISRA DOCTOR BOLTA HAI CHALO US SAY HI POCH LAETEY HAIN USSAY POCH TAY HAIN TO
WO BOLATA HAI NAHI NA MERA TO CHAPL TOTA HAY;)

One day RAVAN went to disco...

One day RAVAN went to disco... aur woh behosh ho gaya, due to shock.....!

why.....??

" Coz the entry fee was Rs. 1500 per HEAD...!!!

A Britisher came to India to travel

A Britisher came to India to travel across the country and after travelling though out India, one day he asked a Desi person...

British : Why you Indian are different colours,we British are all same colour White

Desi : Sir,have you seen horses,they are different in colours but all Donkeys are same in colours.

Father and Son were in conversation on the

Father and Son were in conversation on the beach:-
Son:Papa, Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Father: Tumhe nahe pata beta?
Son: Nahe pata.
Father: Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar

koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai

Judge: Is criminal ke dono kaan kat do.

Judge: Is criminal ke dono kaan kat do.
Criminal: Nahi mai andha ho jaunga.
Judge: Bewakoof kaan katne se andha kaise honge�
Criminal: Phir mai chasma kaise pehnunga?

Ramlal (Bagwan say): Bahgwan mujhy

Ramlal (Bagwan say): Bahgwan mujhy dukh de, dard de, tension de, mujay pagal banady mery pachey kutty laga de.

Bahgwan bat kat ker bole: aby sale ek line mein kiyon nahee bolta tuj ko biwi chaie.

Bholaji goes to a Udipi hotel to have

Bholaji goes to a Udipi hotel to have something to eat. He orders for Masala Dosa. The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see that Bhola eats only the masala leaving the dosa behind.

Bhola then orders for 1 plate Samosa. Again this time the waiter notices that Bhola eats only the filling and not the shell. ; Waiter is very curious. Bhola next orders for Batata Vada. This time around also Bhola eats only the filling and leaves the shell behind. Waiter is losing his patience and walking upto Bhola asks him, "Bholaji, aap dish ke under ka hi cheez kyon khaa rahe ho, kya baki cheez pasand nahi aaya..?"

Bhola says,"Arre bhaiyya, aisi baat nahi. Hamaari tabiyat kuch teekh nahi isliye doctor ne kaha ki baahar ki cheez mat khaya karo..."

Suraj Hua Madham , chand bhi chalne laga,

Suraj Hua Madham , chand bhi chalne laga,
mein thehra raha, zameen chalne lagi, sajna kya yehi pyaar hai ??
Nalayak, yeh pyar nahi EARTHQUAKE hai ! BHAAG

Bhola with a camera, was focusing

Bhola with a camera, was focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Mere dil ko tab bauhat jhatka laga

Mere dil ko tab bauhat jhatka laga jab maine ek ladke(boy) ko mandir(tample) mai CIGRATTE peete dekha..

GHOR KALYUG

You can't believe, mere hath se WHISKY ki bottel gir gayi..

Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar

Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha hota he.
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab uthe ga?"
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga

Beggar : " oh sundari, andha hoon,

Beggar : " oh sundari, andha hoon, sawa paanch rupya de de.."

Husband told his wife : De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal mei yeh andha hai..

Ladki valentine ko Archies Gallary me ….

Ladki valentine ko Archies Gallary me …..

Ladki : Aisa card hai jispe likha ho mein sirf tumse aur sirf tumse pyar karti hu!
Man : Mil jayega.
girl buying card
Ladki :2 darjan pack kar do.

ADMI NAAI SE: MERI TERE

ADMI NAAI SE: MERI TERE NAAM WALI CUTTING KAR DO.
NAAI USKI TIND KAR DETA HAI
ADMI GHUSSAY SE: YE KYA KIYA HAI ???
NAAI: MAIN KYA KAROON MAIN NE DEKHI HI END SE HAI.

Teacher:Bunty, you say

Teacher:Bunty, you say that when did french revolution started and ended?
Bunty:(thinking for sometime)I dont know exactly sir but i m sure that it is from pg no 16 to 25.

Ek baar Ek Intelligent Software Engineer

Ek baar Ek Intelligent Software Engineer ek MNC mein interview dene jata hai.
Interview mein manager poochta hai

So.. Mr. Software Engineer , what do u expect for the salary ?
"Software Engineer : "Jyada nahi saab, bus mahine ka 80 hazaar rupaye, Ek chota sa bunglow, Ek gadi, ar kuch naukar-chakar"

Manager: "Ok Mr Software Engineer , Hum aapko mahiney ka ek Lakh pachas hazzar rupayei, Ek bada sa bunglow in Nariman Point, Ek BMW gadi with a Driver, aap ke baccho ko school ka admission, aur 10 Naukar apki wife ke liye"

Software Engineer is very excited
Software Engineer : "Kyo saab majaak kartey ho!"

Manager: "Shuru kisne kiya tha?"

Doctor: App ka aur aapki biwi ka

Doctor: App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?

Patient: Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....

Ek ladki apne boyfriend ke sath nai

Ek ladki apne boyfriend ke sath nai gaadi main long drive par ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se gaddi chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....ladky ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha..........
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "

A woman was looking for

A woman was looking for a bride for her son, she was given a call from a family.

Girl's mother : "Hamari beti itni gunnwanti hai ke poocho mat, uski aankh HIRNI jaisi hai, uski gardan SURAHIDAAR hai, uske honth GULAB ki pankhadiyon jaisey hain, uskey gaal Kashmir ke SEB jaisey hain, uski chaal NAGIN jaisi hai."

Boy's mother (Little frustrated) : "Aap ki beti mein koi INSAANO waley gunn bhi hai?"

Father: Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf..

Father: Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek bhi tili nahin jalti.

Beta: Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.

A lion held a huge party at his place

A lion held a huge party at his place ,He invited only his fellow lions.The
lions were dancing when a mouse also came a joined in.
The lion asked the mouse why he entered the party when the other species
were not invited.

Ramu: tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala

Ramu: tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?

Bhola: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

A haryanavi peasant came to the office

A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The Hindustan Times to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him. "Main to lut jaoonga - I 'll be ruined," exclaimed the haryanavi. "My father was 182 cms tall."

Ek pathan Cycle chalate aur gungunate howe

Ek pathan Cycle chalate aur gungunate howe kahin ja raha tha rastae mein ek aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli, “Break nahi maar sakte they kya ???�
Pathan herat se… “Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida.�

Ek chowenty bhagi bhagi ja rahi thi.

Ek chowenty bhagi bhagi ja rahi thi.

Ek Gainday ne raste mai rook kar pocha: Chowenty bahin kahan baghi baghi jarahi ho?

Chowety ne mushkil se sanso ko sambalte howe kaha: Gainday bhai Hathi (Elephant) ka Eccident howa hai our usko khoon ke 10 botalo ke zarorat hain. tu mai ossko khoon dene jarahi hoon. take uski jan bach jaye.

Ek chowenty bhagi bhagi ja rahi thi.

Ek chowenty bhagi bhagi ja rahi thi.

Ek Gainday ne raste mai rook kar pocha: Chowenty bahin kahan baghi baghi jarahi ho?

Chowety ne mushkil se sanso ko sambalte howe kaha: Gainday bhai Hathi (Elephant) ka Eccident howa hai our usko khoon ke 10 botalo ke zarorat hain. tu mai ossko khoon dene jarahi hoon. take uski jan bach jaye.

What would Devananda Say he was

What would Devananda Say he was a vegeterian?

-Kutte,Kamine me tera khun nahi piyunga. Kyun ki me Vegeterian hoon.

Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts

Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with “T�.
Person: Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT : Ticket hai?
Sadhu : Nahin
TT : Chalo
Sadhu : Kahan?
TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

Ek husband, wife lad rahay thay!

Ek husband, wife lad rahay thay!

husband' tu kuttiya'
wife 'tu kutta'
husband ' tu kuttiya'
wife ' tu pilla'
bacchha bola 'main pilla!

Two brothers open shops in front

Two brothers open shops in front of each other. One of them gets good business from the beginning the other remains to sit idle. He though to contact the other, he went to his shop.
Tum ne kia kia k aap ka business acha chalta hai.
He replied Maa ki Duaa.
The other replied in anger shutup pahlay toon dawa.

If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;

If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;
these could be the caption in Newspapers:

Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!
English Babu Desi Mem.
Brain marries Beauty!?
Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!?
Ooo Windows mein Bill hai mera...
The next version of Windows will be "Windows MD."
Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat.
Relax guys! they'll only go for a virtual honeymoon.
Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..
Gate for Bill, Windows for M.F.Hussain
Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera...
Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai...
Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re... !

aik admi shadi karna chahta

aik admi shadi karna chahta hay to apne friend say poochta hay k batao main kya karoon.

us ka friend kahta hay hai newspaper main add de do k mujhay biwi chahiye.

Admi aisay hi karta hay.

kuch din baad woh apnay friend k paas aata hay or kahta hay k main bohat parayshan hoon samjh nahi aati k kia karoon.

us ka dost pochta hay k kion kiya hooua?

woh kahta hay k mainay news paper main add dia k mujhay biwi chahiye to mujhay itnay saray Husbands nay khat likhay hain k meri biwi lay lo meri biwi lay lo.

Aik dafa aik aeroplane main

Aik dafa aik aeroplane main 3 mussafir safar kar rahe they .In main se aik russian tha aik american aur aik pakistani tha.ittifaq se teeno aik sath bethey howe they .

Russian ne kaha: k space par sab se pehley ham gaye they.

American ne kaha: k sab se Pehley chand par ham gaye they.

Pakistani ne kuch der tak socha aur phir hansa aur kaha: k inshallah sab se pehley sooraj (sun) par ham jaye gay.

Ek shehri babu ek gaon ke mollad se rasta

Ek shehri babu ek gaon ke mollad se rasta bujhan lagya.
Mollad bolya, "Nu kar tu yahan te khabhe ne ho liye aur aage jakke sajje ne."

Babu bolya, "Bhai sahab mein ap se aap aap karkey baat kar raha hun aur aap mujjey tu tu bool rahey ho.

Mollad bollya, "Pher ke tanne bapu bolun?"

police ki naukari k liye interview liya jaa raha tha

police ki naukari k liye interview liya jaa raha tha ...aur apna bihaari lal bhi jaa pahunche....
officer ne bihaari se poocha...."agar bina laathi ya goli chalaaye bheed ko thithar bhithar karne ko kahaa jaaye tho tum kya karoge"
bihaari lal phat se jawaab diya..."jee mai jholi failaa kar chanda maangne lagoonga..."

jeet: Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai

jeet: Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Raabert: Yes Boss.
Ajeet: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare
kabze mein hai .......

Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee

Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee
Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu?
Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

Sardar got promotion from clerk to manager.

Sardar got promotion from clerk to manager. He went home and told his
wife
Today you have to sleep with the manager. Wife fainted.

nterviewer: what is your birth date?

nterviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked to sardar in an interview

Manager asked to sardar in an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

Frog 2 sardar-kya sardar ka dimag hota hai?

Frog 2 sardar-kya sardar ka dimag hota hai?
Srdr-haan hota hai.
Frog-nahi hota hai n frog jumps in d water.
Srdr-isme suicide krne ki kya baat hai I was joking.

kaun banay ga crorpatti mein sardar ji

kaun banay ga crorpatti mein sardar ji se sawal poocha gaya ...

1:AAP KI BIWI KE BAAL KONSAY RUNG KE HEIN ..

(1)YELLOW (2) BROWN
(3)RED (4) BLACK)

KAFI SOCHNAY KE BAAD...SARDAR JI NE BOLA ...CAN I PHONE A FRIEND!!!!

Dear meri dil ki Katori,

Dear meri dil ki Katori,

Mai kya ji, it was ji very well since the time I put my eyes on you at

babli's wedding. The parrots flew out of my hands, when u turned like

a truck on a blind curve and smiled at me.

Now I see ur face everywhere, even in my chicken-curry. The butter

chicken reminds me your sweet voice. Mai kya ji, would you be the

butter on my naan and the chicken in my curry of life....!!!!

Koi gal nahi, take ur time but don't put the foot on the Brakes of my

love ji. What to do, I to have started thinking about Shaadi-Vaadi.

Karao maat wait, say yes for a date!

Bale Balle......

aik sick tha ! jo apne doston ke saat behta tha

aik sick tha ! jo apne doston ke saat behta tha
to kehta main to mahir houn english mein ...
to log kehte acha beyi proof kerke dikhao
to wo kehta acha dosto mujhe ye betao ider iss kemre mein konssi cheez hai jo "b" s start hothi hai .
to ouske dost bohott koshish kerte hain .
Koi kehta hai Butter . ball per kissi ko bhi answer nahin ata
tO AKHIR MEIN AKE SARE KEHTE HAIN I GIVE UP
to pir wo kehta hai tum sare bhi na ,,bohot stupid ho , tori bhi ho na inteligence wo hai hi nahin
kehta ,yaarr "b" se bindowww
hahahah
it means sardar khud hi stupid nikel tha hai !

Ek banda dusre ko kehta he

Ek banda dusre ko kehta he ke phone karne se pehle 2 lagao. Dusra us ko 2 thapparr marta he or phone karta he. Wo phir kehta he ke yeh thappar kyun? Wo kehta he ke aap ne khud yehi hi kaha tha ke phone karne se pehle do lagao. HAHAHAHA

There's two guys and over something

There's two guys and over something stupid the first guy gets pissed off and asks the second idiot, "chither khanay aa!!"...and the idiot says, "nahi, main karoon khakay aaya...cha pani the inthezaam kardo".

1 Din jangal vich janwaran di party

1 Din jangal vich janwaran di party vich chuhe(rat) de 3-4 PEG lagge hoye si te chuha TAIT si....

Billi(cat) : je auj party na hundi ta main tenu khaa jana si .

Chuha(rat) : ja ja chali ja, nahi ta loki kehngey khaadi-peeti ch janani kut ti...

A Sardar & his wife filed an application

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.

Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?

Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were walking

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were walking through the bazaar when they spotted Santa's girlfriend walking hand-in-hand with another guy. Santa just looks the other way and they walk on. Banta Singh was startled to see the easy way Santa Singh was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with someone else.
"What's wrong with you... this is the third time we've spotted her with another man and yet you don't do anything? You should have gone out and hit that man in the jaw!"
"I'm waiting," Santa said.
"Waiting for what?" asked Banta.
"Waiting to catch her with a smaller fellow."

Girl : aisa khat likh ke pa sajna, meri

Girl : aisa khat likh ke pa sajna, meri umar beet jaye pardi di .

Boy : f;%(i=01>xE'1;i:e$ya#>#"e!>;=*e(p+>i*<tf!)*2<wq@:lkj,ty*oi=uy&sa%zxi=iii<er=(i0+io) Le hun padi jaa.....

A man said to a Sardar: "Petrol ke rate

A man said to a Sardar: "Petrol ke rate kafi badh gye hai"

Is par Sardar bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi
100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."

The phone rings at Punjab Police headquaters.

The phone rings at Punjab Police headquaters. They answer : "Hello?"
"Hello, Is that the Punjab Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?'
"I'm calling to report my neighbour Santa Singh as an enemy of the
state. He is hiding diamonds in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the Punjab Police goons come over to Santa Singh's house.They search the shed where the firewood is kept,break every piece of wood,find no diamonds,swear at Santa Singh and leave.
The phone rings at Santa Singh's house. He answers,"Hello."
"Hello Santa! Did the Punjab Police come?"
"Did they chop your firewood?'
"Yes they did."
"O.K., now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."

Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in

Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate

"Mother: Sikh.

Father: Sikh

Kid:Chinese."

"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper,
it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

Teri gali whicho langaa ge jaan-jaan ke,

Teri gali whicho langaa ge jaan-jaan ke,
saanu pata ae ki tu Thane report likhvayi hoyi ae,
jaa ke puch layi tu Thanedaar nu,
assi ohdi vi kudi fasayi hoyi ae!!!

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.While doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta.By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta's horse.At last Santa's horse had no legs left and banta's horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution , How to diffrenciate thier horses.So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and i will keep the white .

A BEARDED BENGALI AND SARDARJI

A BEARDED BENGALI AND SARDARJI GOT INTO AN ARGUEMENT OVER WHICH STATE PRODUCED MORE FREEDOM FIGHTERS, BENGAL OR PUNJAB. THEY DECIDED FOR EACH PATRIOT NAMED FROM HIS STATE HE WOULD BE ENTITLED TO PLUCK OUT A HAIR FROM THE OTHERS BEARD. THE BENGALI OPENED THE OFFENSIVE WITH "KHUDI RAM BOSE" AND TWEAKED A HAIR FROM THE SARDAR JI'S BEARD. THE SARDARJI RESPONDED WITH "BHAGAT SINGH" AND PLUCKED ONE HAIR OUT OF THE BENGALIS BEARD. AND SO IT WENT ON PAINFULLY WITH THE BENGALI HAVING A ENDLESS LIST. THE SARDARJI CAME TO THE END OF HIS LIST. AND WITH GREAT FORCE SHOUTED ""JALIANWALA BAGH"" AND YANKED OF THE BENGALIS BEARD OFF HIS CHIN

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.

"I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents," she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'"

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train.

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed
when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

"bhai sahib " responds

"bhai sahib " responds the conductor "main enke galiyan to sun he nahin raha hoon. Mujhe to un Sardarji ke galiyaan sun rahi hain jinko maine Ludhaine main utaar deya.

Sardarji wakes up to the sounds of

Sardarji wakes up to the sounds of "chai chai" in Amritsar, looks at time - 8.30 AM. He has missed his interview and is very pissed off, finds the conductor and starts swearing at him in the choicest Punjabi galis. This carries on for about 10 minutes. Another passenger says to the Conductor :-
"ye Sardar ji aap ko maa bahen ki galiya nikaal rahen hain aur aap hain ke sharafat se sune ja rahe hain"

A Sardar travelling on an overnight train

A Sardar travelling on an overnight train to Punjab requests the conductor before retiring
"phaji - Ludhiana savere panj vaje aavega - mainu uthe jaroor utha dena interview lai jana hai. Main Kumbkaran de neend sonda hoon, jarurat pade taan jabardasti utar dena.

Why did Sardar cut the

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess what...

To avoid side effect!!!

Why did Sardar cut the

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess what...

To avoid side effect!!!

Sardar told his servant:

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.

Servant: It's already raining.

Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

Man: Oye, mai kal English film

Man: Oye, mai kal English film de cassette le gaya tha, voh kharab hai, kuch dikhai-sunai nahi deta.
Cassete wala: kya nam hai film ka?
Man: HEAD CLEANER.

Having lost his donkey a

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."