JUMBO JOKEY: July 2011

Lalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki is bag ke andar kya hai, to sare eggs tumare, agar batao kitne eggs to 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hain to vo murgi bhi tumari.

Rabri: Lalu Ji, Koi hint do na?

Lady doctor: Tum roz subah

Lady doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?

Funny Lalu: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am - 11a

A short man was getting bitten by

A short man was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maro

Funny Santa, Banta & Laloo ik scooter

Funny Santa, Banta & Laloo ik scooter par ja rahe the. A traffic cop tried to stop them.

Funny Santa: Sorry phaji, already 3 baithe hain. Bilkul bhi jagah nahin hai.

Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in

Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.

Funny Santa: Tum ne dictionary dekh ke nahi kharidani thi na...!

Husband: Agar tumhe kuch ho

Husband: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.

Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?

Funny Husband: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

Maalik to Santa: Tu to kehta tha

Maalik to Santa: Tu to kehta tha ke tu thakta nahi hai. Aaj fir tu sota hua paya gaya hai.

Funny Santa: Mere na thakne ka yahi to raaz hai.

Girlfriend: Will u marry me?

Girlfriend: Will u marry me?

Funny Boyfriend: No, hamare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se.

Boyfriend apni girlfriend ko I love you

Boyfriend apni girlfriend ko I love you kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Girlfriend: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Funny Boyfriend: I'm falling in love.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Q What would you call a girl who never laughs?

A Hasina

Q What does a kangaroo say

Q What does a kangaroo say when he finds her kid missing?

A Aaila!! kisi ne mera pocket mar liya.

Q Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad.

Q Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad.
A Sita went to Lanka.

Ek 10 saal ka kid bohot dhyan se ek

Ek 10 saal ka kid bohot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: "Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare".

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Funny Kid: Mein yeh dekhna chahta hun ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

Mayawati apne friend Lalu ke ghar

Mayawati apne friend Lalu ke ghar GOAT le ke jati hai..

Lalu: E Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho ?

Mayawati: Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai

Funny Lalu: Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

Maalik Makaan: OK, mein tumko

Maalik Makaan: OK, mein tumko kiraya dene ke liye aur 3 din ki mohlat deta hun.

Funny Sardar Ji: Theek hai ji, mein Diwali Holi aur Chrismas ke 3 din select karta hoon.

Ik aadmi ki 6 fingers thi.

Log usko Santa kehte the...

batao kyon?

..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

Kyonki uska naam Santa tha.

Santa: Tuhari car ka tyre puncture kaise hua?

Santa: Tuhari car ka tyre puncture kaise hua?

Driver Banta: Ik daaru ki bottle iske neeche aa gayi thi.

Santa: Tumhe bottle nazar nahi aayi?

Funny Banta: Bottle uss bande ki jeb me thi jo meri car ke neeche aaya tha.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Lawyer to Lalu: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke......

Lawyer to Lalu: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "

Funny Lalu : "Yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Gita pe haath!!"

Kid (phone par): Madam

Kid (phone par): Madam, mera beta aaj school nahi aaygea?

Madam: Aap kon bol rahe ho?

Funny Kid: Mere papa bol rahe hain.

Gabber Singh ka janam hua to

Gabber Singh ka janam hua to usko ma ne jor se thapad mara. Pooch kiyun?

Ma se poochta tha: Kitne aadmi the?

A hen lays an egg at Indo-Pak border

A hen lays an egg at Indo-Pak border. Both countries start fighting over egg. Finally Indians say whoever kiss more women in other country will keep the egg. Pakis say ok. Indians go to Pak and kiss 1000 women. Excited Pakis say its our turn now.

Indians say: Keep the egg.

Jai Hind !!!

Chor ik ghar main chori karne gaya.

Tijori pe likha tha “Tijori ko todne ki jarurat nahi hai 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jaegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.

Jate jate chor seth se bola: aaj mera insaniyat se vishvas uth gaya hai!!!

Vo bi kya din the jab ladkian apko

Vo bi kya din the jab ladkian apko apni baho main leti thi kiss karti thi aur kehti thi:

Very Sweet Kid!!!

Boy to friend: Dekho voh

Boy to friend: Dekho voh ladki meri taraf dekh ke muskura rahi hai.

Friend: Yeh to kutch bhi nahi, jab maine pehli bar tumari shakal dekhi thi to 3 din apni hassi nahi rok paya tha.

Ik aadmi kabar ke oopar baitha tha.

Ik aadmi kabar ke oopar baitha tha. Ik Marathi girl udhar se nikal rahi thi.

Marathi Girl: Tum ko dar nahi lagta?

Aadmi: Darne ki kya baat hai, andar garmi bohot thi thori der ke liye kabar se bahar aaya hoon.

Santa & Banta were sitting in

Santa & Banta were sitting in a kabristan & were talking.

Santa: Banta Ji, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hain.

Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kiyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai...

Voh choom le ik bar to aati nahi neend

Unki meethi avaz mein jati hai raat beet

Iss liye kehta hu ye risk na uthao

All out lagao machar bhagao…

Funny Lalu found answer to the most

Funny Lalu found answer to the most difficult question ever: What came first- the chicken or the egg?

"Hum jiska order pehle dunga, vahi pehle ayega na!"

Friday, July 22, 2011

Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho

Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, I asked KAUN-SA-LAW aisa kehta he?

Banta: What is Ford? Santa: Gaadi. Banta: What's Oxford? Santa: So simple, Bail Gaa

Banta: What is Ford?

Santa: Gaadi.

Banta: What's Oxford?

Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.

Q: Daler exam vich fail kiyon hoya?

A: Jado teacher blackboard erase karda si, ta Daler notebook erase kar dinda si,.. . BOLO tara-ra!!

Sante ne apni engagement tod diti.

Kiyon ki kudi kavari c.

Santa: Jo ajj tak kisi di nahi ho saki, oh meri kiven ho sakdi hai ?

Punjabi Boy: Main tere nal shaadi

Punjabi Boy: Main tere nal shaadi nahi kar sakda. Ghar wale mana kar rahe ne.

Punjabi Girl: Ghar vich kon kon hai.

Punjabi Boy: 1 bivi te 3 bache.

Ravan ne Ram Ji se mafi mangne ka

Ravan ne Ram Ji se mafi mangne ka faisla kiya aur Ayodhya aaya.

Door knock kiya.

Ram Ji ne door khola.

Ravan Stands Thinking
Guess What?

?
?
?
Kis Mooh Se Maafi Maangu?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Ravan dance club me jata hai. Uski

Ravan dance club me jata hai. Uski entry baki sab se 10 guna jayada thi. Bolo kiyun?

Kiyun ki entry fees thi: Per-Head Rs 500/-

NASA ne 4 tamils ko chand pe bheja.

Magar adhe raste se vapis aa gaye!

Tamils said: Aaj AMAWAS hai, Chand to hoga nahi na..

Sardar Ji: Asi ik mobile marriage bureau

Sardar Ji: Asi ik mobile marriage bureau shuru kita hai:

Rishtey laye 1 dabao,
Mangni k laye 2 dabao,
Shaadi k laye 3 dabao.

Gujarati Man: Dusri shaadi de lai ki dabana hai?

Sardar Ji: Dusri shadi laye pehle wali da gala dabao ..!

Sardar Ji: Hamne Mobile Marriage

Sardar Ji: Hamne Mobile Marriage Bureau shuru kiya hai:

Rishtey k liye 1 dabaye,
Mangni k liye 2 dabye,
Shaadi k liye 3 dabye.

A Gujarati Man asks: Dusri shadi k liye kya dabana hai ji ?

Sardar Ji: Dusri shadi k liye pehle wali ka gala dabye ..!

Ek Pandit aur Ek Sardar Jungle me gaye.

Sahmne se ek Sher aa gya.

Sardar ne Sher ki aankh me mitti dali aur bhagte hue Pandit se bola: "Abe Bhag."

Pandit: Main Kyun Bhagu? Mitti tune dali hai.

Ik Doctor (surgeon) pehli bar operation kar raha tha.

Operation complete hote hi voh apne ghutno ke bal baith gaya aur sar upar uthake bola: HEY KAALI MAA MERI PEHLI BHET SWIKAR KARO

Ek Kid paida hote hi nurse se bola: Mobile hai kya?

Nurse: Kiyun?

Funny Kid: Zara GOD ko delivery message bhejna hai

Police: Kuch der me aapko phansi

Police: Kuch der me aapko phansi di jayegi ap ki aakhri khwaish kya hai?

Funny Yoga Guru: Plz muje Yoga position me fansi lagan. Sar Niche aur feet upar karke phansi dena.

Funny Pandit Ji: Raat mujhe

Funny Pandit Ji: Raat mujhe ik admi ne CHAKU dikhakr loot liya.

Friend: Lekin tumare pas to Gun hoti hai.

Funny Pandit Ji: Wo maine chupa di
warna wo bi loot leta !!!

Wife to Husband: Suno Ji, doctor ne mujhe

Wife to Husband: Suno Ji, doctor ne mujhe ik mahine k aaram k liye kisi Hill station par jane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?

Funny Husband: Dusre doctor k paas..

Ik Bhakt Ashram me ja ke Swami

Ik Bhakt Ashram me ja ke Swami Ji se bola: Swami Ji, mera Puja e mann nai lagta! kya karu?

Funny Swami Ji: Us Puja ko mere pass bhej do, shayad mera man lag jae.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Bhikhari: Hello Taaj Hotel,

Bhikhari: Hello Taaj Hotel, 1 Pizza, 1 Biryani aur 1 Ras Malai Bhej Do.

Taj: Kiske Naam pe bheju, Sir?

Bhikari: Bhagwan Ke Naam Pe.!

* * * * *

Jo hamesha hasta rehta hai usko HUSMUKH kehte

Jo hamesha hasta rehta hai usko HUSMUKH kehte hai.

www Jocks com Aur jiska hasna hi bilkul bandh ho gaya hai usse kya kehte hai?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
HUSBAND :)

Film Director to Akshay Kumar: Tum

Hindi Jokes SMS

Film Director to Akshay Kumar: Tum ko 100 ft ki height se swimming pool me jump lagana hai.

Akshay Kumar: Par mere ko tairna nahi aata, mein doob jaunga.

Funny Film Director: Don't worry, pool me paani nahi hai.

LKG ke kid ka paper me 0 aya.

Father angry: What is this?

Very Funny Kid: Papa, teacher ke pass STAR khatam ho gaye, to MOON de diya.

Akbar: Hamare ammi abba humse itni

Akbar: Hamare ammi abba humse itni mohabt karte thhe, ke hame sulane k lie sari sari raat jagte rehte, or hum fir b na sote the.

Funny Birbal: Tbhi to aap eklote reh gaye huzoor.

Munna BhaiPrincipal: Agar koi ladka girl's hostel me paya gaya,

Principal: Agar koi ladka girl's hostel me paya gaya, to usko pehli bar Rs 300 fine lagega, dusri bar 500 aur teesri bar Rs 800 fine lagega.

Mr Funny: Monthly pass ka kya lega, mamu?

Principal to Students: You people must sleep atleast 7 hours a day.

Mr Funny: Impossible Sir! College Is Only For 6 Hours!

Mr Funny ne apna Gadha bechna tha.

Mr Funny ne Hindi newspaper me advt di:

"Agar kisi ko kabhi kisi Gadhe ki zarrut ho to mujhe yaad karna. Mera mobile no hai: 981******."

Teacher: Aaj tum late kyu aaye?

Teacher: Aaj tum late kyu aaye? School 7 baje shuru hota he.

Funny Kid: Madam, Aap meri fikar mat kia karo, School shuru karwa dia karo

Ik Baniya ki chhatri me mori thi.

Sardar Ji: Lalaji umbrella me mori hai, nayi umbrella kharid lo.

Baniya: Arre, baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega!!

Beggar: Kuch khaane ko do!

Beggar: Kuch khaane ko do!

Pandit: Tamatar Khao

Beggar: Roti do baba

Pandit: Tamatar Khao

Beggar: Tamatar hi khila do

Pandit's Wife: Ye Totla bolte he, Keh rahe he KAMAKAR KHAO !

Wife ko Thappad marne k bad husband bola:

"Admi usse marta hai jise wo Pyar karta hai."

Wife ne zor se Husband ko free style me Mara aur Boli:

"Aap kya samje me apse Pyar nahi karti..."

Teacher: Agar dharti pe pani na hota

Teacher: Agar dharti pe pani na hota to kya hona tha.

Bania ka beta: Hum to kangaal ho jate. Mera bapu milk me kya milata?

Anath Ashram Manager to Bania:

Anath Ashram Manager to Bania:
Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte ho ?

Funny Bania: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.

Teacher: Itni pitai ke baad bhi tum hass rahe ho.

Teacher: Itni pitai ke baad bhi tum hass rahe ho.

Funny Student: Gandhi Ji ne kaha hai, musibat ka time hass hass ke gujarna chahiye.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Mr Funny post-office me

Mr Funny post-office me money-order karvane jata hai.

Postmaster: Mr Funny, yeh note fata hua hai, change kar do.

Mr Funny: Mein apni mammi ko paise bhej raha hu. Fata hua note bhejun ya naya, tumhe kya farak padta hai.

Beggar: Sahib, 10 rupe de do. Coffee pini hai.

Dirty Hindi Jokes Funny Non veg SMS

Beggar: Sahib, 10 rupe de do. Coffee pini hai.

Sahib: Par coffee ka cup to 5 rupe ka milta hai.

Beggar: Sahib, sath girlfriend bhi hai.

Funny Sahib: Beggar ho ke girlfriend bna li.

Funny Beggar: Nahi Sahib, girlfriend ne beggar bna diya.

Ek bar ik dirty sharabi kisi sadhu se takra gaya.

Sadhu: Mein tujhe shraap deta hu.

Dirty Sharabi: Ruko, mein glassi le ke atta hu.

Hindi Bhai: What is the difference

Hindi Bhai: What is the difference between bus & cycle?

Funny Gujarati: Bus ka stand bus ke sath kabhi nahi jata, Par cycle ka stand hamesha cycle ke sath jata hai.

Hindi Bhai: Ye Gandhi Bapu har

Hindi Bhai: Ye Gandhi Bapu har note me haste kyun rehte hai?

Funny Gujarati: Simple hai bhai, Royenge to note Geela Nahi ho jayega !

-- Hahaha

Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.

Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.

Postmaster: Bhai yeh postoffice hai. Ja ke policestation mein complaint likhao.

Funny Husband: Kya karun, khushi ke mare kutch samaj hi nahi aa rha.

Funny Question: Wife maike jakar Husband

Funny Question: Wife maike jakar Husband ko roj phone kyon karti hai?

Funny Answer: Taki Husband ko yad rahe musibat tali nahi, phir aane vali hai!!!

Hamare Pyare Pandit Ji library me

Hamare Pyare Pandit Ji library me 2-3 ghante book pad ke bole: SO BORING. Itne saare characters, par koi story nahi.

Librarian: Pandit ji, yeh to telephone directory hai !!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Sal gaya, par fir bhi muje kutch nahi hua.

Banta: Yatna: Ek bar mere upar se scooter nikeh to kutch bhi nahi... Ek bar mere upar se aeroplane nikal gaya, me fir bhi bach gaya.

Mail this joke to friends

How do you make Mr Funny

How do you make Mr Funny laugh on Saturday?

Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Mr Funny ko Saturday ko hasana ho to kya karo

Mr Funny ko Saturday ko hasana ho to kya karoge?

Usko Friday ko koi joke suna do.

Mr Funny goes to a TV showroom.

Mr Funny: Do you have color TVs?

Salesman: Yes.

Mr Funny: Give me a green one, please.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Mr Funny ik TV showroom me jata hai.

Funny: Kya aap ke pas color TV hai?

Salesman: Yes.

Funny: Mere ko ik green vala dena.

Doctor: Aap ka aur aapki wife ka blood group ek hi

Doctor: Aap ka aur aapki wife ka blood group ek hi hai?

Funny Husband: Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saal sey mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....

Girlfriend to Boyfriend: Mera ladla, mera pyara,

Girlfriend to Boyfriend: Mera ladla, mera pyara, mera chhona, mera gugla. Muj se shadi karoge? Bolo baby, bolo na !

Funny Boyfriend: Tum mujhe propose kar rahi ho ya adopt ?

Mr Funny ko apna apna gadha

Mr Funny ko apna apna gadha bechna tha. Usne apne sare friends ko sms kiya:

Agr Tumhe Kabi Kisi Gadhey ki Zarurat ho to Mujhe Yaad Kar Lena!

Santa & his wife buy hot coffee in a shop.

Santa: Drink quickly... before it gets cold.

Wife: But why...

Santa: Hot coffee is for Rs.5 and cold coffee for Rs.10.

Santa: Sir aap meri salary bada diyo,

Santa: Sir aap meri salary bada diyo, meri shaadi ho gayi hai.

Boss: Factory ke bahar hone wale dur-ghatna ke liye factory jimmedar nahin hotii.

banta & santa

Banta: oye, tu to doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?

Santa: yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

Santa ki patni Santa se boli aap

Santa ki patni Santa se boli aap hazaro me ek hai. Santa ne ek tappad mara aur bola baki 999
koun hai?

Saturday, July 16, 2011

santa & banta

Santa: Yaar Ye Autometacily Kya Hota Hai

Banta: Simple Yaar, Jab Koi Ganji Aurat Auto Me Baith K Jaye to Use bolte hai "Auto-Me-Takli"

Fakir To Santa: Aapke padosi ne pet

Fakir To Santa: Aapke padosi ne pet bhar k khana khilaya he, Aap b kuch khilao.

Santa: Yeh lo HAJMOLA...

Ik raat bijli chali gayi.

Pandit: Kam se kam fan to chala do.

Panditani: Kar di na Panditon wali baat. Fan on karenge to candle nahi bujh jayegi...

Pandit: Bhagwan, agar tum muje 100 rupe

Pandit: Bhagwan, agar tum muje 100 rupe do, to 50 rupe main mandir me dunga.

Thodi dur ja k Pandit ko 50 rupye mil gaye.

Funny Pandit: Wah Bhagwan, itna bhi bharosa nahi, apne paise pehle hi kat liye...

2 Pakistani terrorists ik car mein

Best Pakistani Jokes

2 Pakistani terrorists ik car mein bomb fix kar rahe the.

First Terrorist: Agar bomb fit karte karte hi fat gaya to kya hoga?

Second Terrorist: Chinta mat karo, mere pas ik aur bomb bhi hai.

Patient to Nurse: I Love You.Indian Jokes

Patient to Nurse: I Love You.
Tumne Mera Dil Chura Liya hai!

Nurse: Chal hat jhute, humne to teri kidney churai Hai !!

Husband Wife ja rhe the. Raste main Gadha (ass)

Husband Wife ja rhe the. Raste main Gadha (ass) Mila.

Wife: Tumhare Ristedar hai, Namaste to karo.

Funny Husband: Namaste SASURJI

Saas: Bhagwan ne tumhe 2

Saas: Bhagwan ne tumhe 2 aankhe di. Chawal me se 2-4 pathar nahi nikal sakti.

Bahu: Bhagwan ne tumhe 32 daant diye 2-4 pathar nahi chaba sakti kya.

Arz kiya hai..ki..

Arz kiya hai..ki..
Galib ne bhari mehfil me sher mara.
Galib ne bhari mehfil me sher mara.

Fir kya hua?

...Sherni vidhwa ho gayi.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Ik Young Beautiful Girl ne ik Rich old-man se

Ik Young Beautiful Girl ne ik Rich old-man se shaadi kar ki.

Interviewer asks Cute Girl: Apne inme shaadi k liye kya dekha?

Cute Girl: Ik to inki income aur doosre inke Din-kam.

Customer: Sardarji lassi me makkhi hai.

Customer: Sardarji lassi me makkhi hai.

Funny Sardar: Oye chupkar dil bada rakh, ye nanhi si jaan teri kitni lassi pee jayegi

rain chali, Sardar Ji ik Dibbe me Chad gaye.

TT bola: Q phaji? Dikta nahi, Ladies ka dibba haii?

Funny Sardar Ji: Sorry Ji Sorry ! Mere ko laga aap Mard ho...

Mental hospital ka doctor apni wife

Mental hospital ka doctor apni wife ko kehta hai: Pagalon ke saath reh reh kar mein adha pagal to ho hi gaya hoon.

Funny Wife: Kabhi koi kaam poora bhi kar liya karo.

Santa train chadne laga to

Santa train chadne laga to akashvani hui: Yeh train patri se utar jaegi. Voh chada hi nahi.

Santa plain pe chadne laga to akashvani hui: Yeh crash ho jaega. Voh fir vapis aa gaya.

Santa bus pe baithne laga to avaz aai: Is ka accident ho jaega.

Santa: Tusi kon ho Ji?

Avaz aai: Bhagwan.

Funny Santa: Jab mein ghori chadan laga si, ta tusi kidhar si ji?

Mr Funny ko BIJLI ke khambhe par

Mr Funny ko BIJLI ke khambhe par lage poster padne ka bohot shonk tha.

Ek din rat ko andhera hone ke karan uss se ik poster pada nahi gaya. Mr Funny spiderman ke jaise poster padne ke liye khambhe par ja chada.

Pas ja kar uss ne deka, vahan likha tha: Khambhe par naya paint kiya hai. Isko hath nahi lagana.

k bar Laloo ji sykil chala rahe the, ke achanak

k bar Laloo ji sykil chala rahe the, ke achanak sykil Ik girl se takra gayi

Girl shouted: Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!

Funny Laloo: Behanji, poori sykil to maar di, ab ghanti alag se maroon ?

Watch aur Wife me kya farak hota hai?

Watch aur Wife me kya farak hota hai?

Funny Laloo: Watch bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai. Wifei bigadati hai to shuru ho jati hai.

Funny Laloo ji 18 guards ko le

Funny Laloo ji 18 guards ko le kar film dekhne jate hain. Pucho to kiyun?

Because below 18 was not allowed.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Barkha Dutt: Laloo Ji, hamare desh mein

Barkha Dutt: Laloo Ji, hamare desh mein divorce ke cases badte hi ja rahe hain. Aapko kya sochte ho, iska main karan kya hai.

Funny Laloo: Marriage.

Laloo: Beta ye kaisi machis laaye ho

Laloo: Beta ye kaisi machis laaye ho. Sasura ek bhi teeli nahi jal rahi.

Funny Son: Kya baat kartay ho papa sab ki sab check kar kay laya hoon.

Ik Pakistani aur ik Indian Jurassic

Ik Pakistani aur ik Indian Jurassic Park movie dekhne jate hain.

Dinosaur screen ke paas aa raha tha. Pakistani darke seat ke neech chhup gaya.

Indian: kyon Pakistani bhai Ji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag rahi hai. Cinema hi to hai.

Pakistani: Mein Insan hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai. Lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata?

* * *

First lady: Mera kid bohot fast

First lady: Mera kid bohot fast english bolta hai.

Second lady: Beta bolke dikha.

Funny Kid: english english english english english...

WARNING THIS IS NOT TRUE IN CASE

**WARNING** THIS IS NOT TRUE IN CASE OF EVERY SAALI. AND DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!!

Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty

Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension

Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi

Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA

Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool

Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi

Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE

*Ek Dukhi Paati.*

Ik Gadha: Yaar mera maalik Laloo

Ik Gadha: Yaar mera maalik Laloo mujhe bahut maarta hai.

Doosra Gadha: To tu bhag kyo nahi jata?

Pehla Gadha: Bhag to jaaun par vahan future bahut bright hai. Malik ki khubsurat beti jab sharat karti hai to vo usko kehta hai teri shadi kise gadhe se hi karunga. Bus isi umeed pe baitha hoon !!!!

Children's Day (14th Nov) har saal

Children's Day (14th Nov) har saal Valentine's Day (14th Feb) ke 9 months baad kyon aata hai?

Boss: Tumhe driver ki job de raha hun

Boss: Tumhe driver ki job de raha hun. Starting salary Rs.2000/-. Theek hai?

Laloo: U R great sir! Gaddi Start karane ki salary is o.k.......but? ? Gaddi chalane ki salary kitni hai... sir jio?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Poultry farm ke maalik ne sabhi

Poultry farm ke maalik ne sabhi Murgiyon ko order diya.

"Agar tum logon ne kal se 2-2 ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band."

Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne 2-2 ande diye magar ek ne sirf ek anda hi diya"

Malik "Tum ne 1 anda hi diya hai?".
.

.

..

.

Jawab mila.

.

..

..

.

..

"Sir ye anda aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai. Waise main to Murga hoon"

You have two agarbattis on a boat

You have two agarbattis on a boat but no source of fire. How will you light an agarbattis if you are in the middle of the river?"

Some answers are:

1) Throw an agarbatti into the river. It make the boat lighter. Use it to light agarbatti

2) Throw an agarbatti in air and catch it. Catches win matches. Use these matches to light agarbatti

3) Take some river water, let it fall drop by drop. You know that "Tip-tip barsa pani, pani ne aag lagai.". Use it to light the agarbatti.

Girlfriend: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum

Girlfriend: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?

Funny Boyfriend: Kyon nahin? Mujhe to shadi-shuda girls bohot pasand hain.

Funny Man ik ped pe chada.

Funny Man ik ped pe chada. Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya hai?

Funny Man: Apple khane.

Monkey: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.

Funny Man: Pata hai, Apple saath laaya hoon.

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejne-wala mahan,

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejne-wala mahan, padhne-wala gadha.

Santa got angry and sent sms back: Bhejne-wala gadha, padhne-wala mahan.

Mayavati: Itne kam marks? Do

Mayavati: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Mayavati ka Funny beta: Haan mami, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Laloo dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Funny Laloo: Who r u?

Girl: Seeta here.

Funny Laloo: Maine Patna phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.

Santa sardi lagne se kamp raha tha.

Santa sardi lagne se kamp raha tha. Uska beta doctor ko phone karta hai.

Doctor: Kya hua?

Son: Bimari ka to pata nahin par bapu subha se vibration mode pe laga hai.

Santa horse par ja raha tha.

Voh red light jump karta hai.

Police vala siti bajata hai.

Funny Santa ghode ki tail opar kar ke kehata hai: Le karle number note.

Lalu Prasad Yadav ka funny beta 1000

Lalu Prasad Yadav ka funny beta 1000 Watt ke bulb par Lalu Yadav ka naam likh raha tha.

Lalu Yadav: Bitwa, e ka kart ho?

Funny Beta: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

Funny Sardar omelet banane ke

Funny Sardar omelet banane ke liye anda fodta hai. Anda andar se khali nikalta hai.

Funny Sardar: Kamal hai ji! Aaj kal murgian bhi abortion karvane lagi hain.

santa & banta

Santa: Mein apni patni ko birthday par kon-sa gift du?

Banta: Ik diamond ring de do.

Santa: Nahi mein kutch badi si cheej deni chahta hu.

Banta: Fir MRF ka tyre de do.

banta & santa

Banta: Tumne apni patni ko birthday par diamond ring kiyon di? Voh to car chahti thi na?

Santa: Par mein nakali car kahan se le ke ata?

Bill Gates: Hamare country mein log

Bill Gates: Hamare country mein log aaj-kal email se shaadi karte hain.

Funniest Laloo Yadav: Bill Sahib Ji, hamare Bihar mein to sirf female se hi shaadi karte hain.

Ik Indian Police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.

Wife: Utho ji, ghar me chori ho rahi hai.

Indian Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main is time duty par nahi hun.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

In a football match.

Lalu: Ye log ball ko pair kyun maar rahe ne?

Sardar Ji: Goal kare he liye.

Lalu: Par ball to pehlan hi gol hai, aur kitni gol karengey ?

Santa ek Sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi

Santa ek Sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.

Funny Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

Mr Funny apni khoobsurat bivi k

Mr Funny apni khoobsurat bivi k saath car mein baith ke honeymoon pe ja raha tha.

Driver ne sheesha set kiya.

Mr Funny gusse mein bola, meri bivi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!

Lalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki is